You are allowed to enjoy this…

I am feeling a bit strange at the moment. It’s been a weird week in Internet Land for little ol’ Darren. In a different life, I run a music discussion site and it turns out that one of my members, who had not posted for a while, had committed suicide. This guy, Malcolm Xerxes, was a fellow Brit relocated to Canada and we’d had numerous dealings via the site. He came across as a little eccentric but a decent, friendly guy. He got my humour. He always got my oblique references in the postings that I made and he was a supporter.

He even once sent me a cheque to help support the site. Unfortunately, it would have cost more to get the bank to cash the cheque than the actual value of it. So I kept the cheque for posterity. I am glad I did in a way.
The events surrounding his death are murky. A woman was found shot twice in the head and once in the stomach and it turns out that this was his girlfriend. Some say that this was his ex-girlfriend, some say it was his current girlfriend and the person he lived with. After making numerous failed calls to his friends, the next day he took his gun, went to the park and shot himself. He didn’t die instantly and medics failed to revive him on the scene.

Now I am not condoning what he did. I feel pity for all involved, but it is interesting to see how people behave. Some anonymous women accuse the guy of being a mysogynistic stalker, working his way through women and then treating them badly. Some say that the woman he shot was his girlfriend of two years, some say that they were only going out for a short while. His bandmates and work colleagues say he was a wonderful guy, he was “Uncle Malcolm”. During one of the private discussion to me, he revealed that one of the reasons he hadn’t been online for a while was because a woman fan was stalking him and he had to move from his apartment.

I really don’t know what to think at all.

All I know is that a guy I liked is dead and the woman he may or may not have shot was left blinded by his actions. It’s been like a cloud hanging over me, so I did what I thought was right. I organised some flowers on behalf of the music communities he frequented and wrote a message on their behalf. I would hope that some kind soul would do the same for me if I ended up that way. It’s all sad, really. No more grokking the totality, no more uppercase, 10-foot high, crimson lettering. No more fun at the Parliament of Pachyderms.

Be seeing ya, Ian Malcolm…whoever you really were…

The cheque Malcolm Xerxes sent to help with the upkeep of my music website

“A Shi’a, Sunni and a Christian walk into a bar…”
More jokes from Comedy Saddam tomorrow!

Well I think that the podcast turned out just spiffy. It was an evening’s work well done, I reckon. It’s funny because I’ve never done a broadcast like that before, but I just adapted my knowledge of sound recording and away I went. The banter was unscripted and it shows, but one thing I did notice was the poor performance of my microphone. It is a £20 cheapo jobbie and my recordings showed that it doesn’t half hiss. Maybe I can buy a new mic? I’m sure things have improved in the budget microphone market since I bought that thing about 10 years ago.Not sure if I have material for another podcast because it might get boring with me just blabbering through my various recordings, but maybe it will help some people out with their own recordings, I don’t know.
On a related note, I have just been informed that I’ve sold out of my CD “WIthout Words” – this is both good and bad. It’s good because I’ve sold some more CDs, but bad because I’ve got to buy some more blank CDs and make some more copies up and there are a few technical issues that I will have to work around. Ho hum. If I had the cash, I’d get someone else to make them, but I’ve got to keep this operation as cheap as possible. Don’t worry, I don’t actually make any profit (the only profit that comes in is off the digital download payments, but that is enough to enable me to buy a couple of CDs now and again) most of the profit actually get swallowed up in the postage costs to the US.
Meanwhile, just got caught in a heavy rainstorm while walking Alex the Wonderdog. It was a torrential downpour but as always happens with this thing, the rain stopped just as we got to the house. Oh well, at least my newspaper didn’t get soggy.
In the post: the TV licence. Don’t get me started on the TV licence.

Saw the new Kate Bush video on the TV last week. I wasn’t expecting her to appear in this new video, but I tuned in because I felt it was some sort of event and it was being billed on Channel 4 as a bit event. The video itself was very 1980s. There was a dancing Elvis jumpsuit (circa the “Fat Elvis” period), lots of black and white imagery taken from the song and old Elvis on the mountain, dancing with his reunited jumpsuit. There was also Kate too. Now I was thrilled to catch a glimpse of her again, but in order to hide the fact that Kate, like the rest of us, had gotten older, fatter and wider, decided to mess around with her image, squeezing her slightly so she looked a little slimmer, a little more pinched. The effect left me thinking “what the f*ck?”. It was kind of unsettling to see her pinched face looming into view, looking somewhat alien, looking like her reflection was cast from the back of a spoon. Maybe that was the effect of the video, I don’t know.
On a separate note, I explained to The Missus my sure-fire way of winning money playing Internet Poker. Every gambler has a system and now I have mine. It’s foolproof, but if I told you, I would naturally have to kill you. OK – here’s my secret – don’t lose…in fact, don’t gamble in general unless you can afford to lose. But my system is going to make my fortune. Just you wait until I saunter on by dressed to the nines, looking like the Pimp-Daddy General.
Today, I actually got my hands dirty and did a telephone interview. It was with the guy who designed all the Eurythmics record sleeves. The band have a box set out for Xmas and I am writing something about the design of the set. It was nice to be a proper journo again. Normally, I just write “how to” puff copy for computer magazines but this was nice. This is the second proper interview I’ve done this month. Maybe I should try and dump the computer stuff and move into alternative media streams? Hmmm…might be worth a gamble…
DING, DING, DING…he said today’s hot word “gamble”.
Tonight, I considered doing a podcast for this site. Just me rambling aimlessly into a microphone for several hours in the vain attempt at getting some trendy, iPod-wearing gimp to finally give up on life and throw themselves under the nearest bus. Or I could just have a wank, which is the same thing, really. But hey, I am looking for various ways of getting the LOCK brand out there, so maybe the podcast thing is an experiment worth pursuing. Everyone is doing it, so it must be worth following the flock.
Remember kids, when you run out of steam, follow the guy in front…

Someone asked me recently if I was still recording any music for a CD and funnily enough I am. While I’m normally preoccupied by eating, sleeping, fucking, wanking, writing and walking that fucking dog, I have been recording too. My approach to music is a bit like me: keep it simple. I believe in creating little tunes that people can whistle and so my music could be described as “basic” in the grand scheme of things. Anyway, I’ve recently finished the end of my album. Eh? How so, Darren? Well I’ve got the first fifteen minutes in the can and I wanted the album to finish with a really uplifting positive piece. And so “Frog & Toad” came about. It’s dancey, you can shake your rump to it and wave your arms around (in fact waving your arms around is very satisfying to this song). There are also two flavours; there’s the keyboard-laden “Nintendo Mix” which sounds like the something from the end of completing Mario Kart and then there’s the guitar mix. Here are the rough working mixes of both:

I just received the following email:

Dear sir,
REQUEST FOR URGENT ASSISTANCE, I AM A WIDOW.
I am mrs Vero Koumba. The wife of late Hon. Somogou koumba who was the chairman of mineral resources Democratic Republic of Congo (formerly Zaire), he was appointed to take control of the management of mineral resources of the country during the time of late president Laurent
Kabila who was assassinated. On 15 of may 2002 my husband fell sick and he was flown to France for treatment and later died of ulcer and he has been buried. During his time because of his position he made huge sum money from the sale of diamond which is the national resources of democratic
republic Congo (world widely known). Before his demise, he deposited one trunk box containing the sum of US$18,000,000 (Eighteen million united states dollars) with the bank in Abidjan Cote d’Ivoire (west Africa).
The money was willed in favour of my only child, one boy and myself as next of kin for the deposit. For your personal verification and confirmation I can made available to you the “Certificate of Deposit” with all necessary document to proof the Authenticity and Genuiness of the fund. In fact, since the death of my husband, his brothers has been seriously chasing me around with constant treats, trying to suppress me so that they might have the documents of his landed properties and confiscate them. They have successfully collected some of his properties, yet they never stopped there. They told me to surrender all bank account of my late husband, which I did, but I never disclose to them this deposit with the bank in Abidjan, cote d’Ivoire,
because this is where the future and destiny of me and my child is lying. The family of my late husband never aware of the secret existing of this deposit and they can never be aware of it. Out of fear, and when the situation becomes on controllable because of pressure on me, my son
advise me to leave immediately and also to look for a trustworthy person, who could assist us in releasing this money for onward transfer into his/her account, thus my main aim of contacting you.
Consider my situation as a widow and come to our rescue, Now that I have no ground in the family of my late husband any more, I will offer you 15% as a reward for assisting us as the remaining part of the money will be used for good investments in your country under your care and for the
education and up-bring of my child when the money arrive your destination.
Kindly reply me Immediately through this my email address/ ( vero_koumba7@yahoo.fr )upon receipt of yours of this message, indicate your willingness through my Email and feel free to feed you with more information and modality of this transaction. This business is smooth, secured, risk-free and all arrangement has been concluded for a successful transaction. Most important, the is one of the
bank here in Abidjan cote D Iviore .
Yours Sincerely
Mrs Vero Koumba

Ooooh, I think I know what I am going to spend my share of the money on. Whooo-hooo! I am rich beyond my wildest imaginations!

My other Internet regret is based upon all the time I have wasted pursuing those minor wastes of time. Whether it is music websites, surfing, news browsing or just faffing abuout, I constantly wonder how much time I have lost when I could have been doing something productive. So for me it is an embarrassment that I have somehow become addicted to certain elements of the WWW. It’s tough. At least if you watch TV every night there’s a chance that you might catch a documentary or a science programme and actually learn something. With the Internet, the majority of it is a complete load of toss. So why do I come back? Why do I need to feel connected?
I don’ know. I just don’t know. Sometimes I find its pervasive quality very, very scary indeed.
Maybe I am addicted? I know the odd time when I can’t access the WWW I get a little tetchy, you know. But these feelings pass. I need a holiday. I need to get away from this LCD cyclops sucking my soul out through my sore eyesockets. Gah! Gibber! CROAK!