You are allowed to enjoy this…

I don’t like my postman. There’s just something about him I just don’t like. I don’t like the way that when he knocks and I open the door, he’s always halfway up the path. He knows that I am ALWAYS here, so why does he always feel the need to flee as soon as he’s rung the door-bell? I don’t like the way that he cannot seem to figure out that letter shaped items can be fitted through that letter shaped hole in the door and if he has anything larger than a standard envelope he has to knock. He can’t gently fold envelopes in half and post them that way…nooo, he has to knock. And when I open the door, he’s always halfway up the path as if I am the one who has taken ages to answer the door.

Of course, I could just be obsessing about the postman, but I miss our old, efficient postman. The one that DIDN’T post our credit card through a someone else’s door in a completely different street. It was only that person’s kindness that meant we weren’t victim to some horrible credit card fraud. Of course, this kindness is a favour that goes back to last summer when some naughty postman decided to post ALL of the post for that neighbouring street through our letterbox. We then became temporary post people that afternoon, returning errant letters to their rightful owners. Now that favour has been repayed, gawd knows where our post might end up next time.

Gee – I am gibbering.

So I decided to blow the dust of my various instruments and gizmos and twiddle with some knobs. Yup – I have started to record music again. Yes, my intention is to produce yet another CD. You’d think I’d find a new hobby, wouldn’t you? But the way I look at it, you’ve got to use it or lose it. And if I don’t record, my rationale would be that I would have to sell my equipment – and I like it too much to do that.

So here is a little edit of something I am working on. At the moment, the CD is provisionally titled “Fragments” and I want to do a “Textures II” type of thing and glue lots of disparate musical bits together and make them fit. The second piece in the chain is my stab at electronic music. Eeek!

On a separate note, I got paid for some work I did last August. Hurrah! Plus, I made another $12 selling tracks via iTunes. I love iTunes. 🙂

So two friends are talking about their first sexual experience. The first friend confesses in hushed tones that he lost his virginity in the open air.

“What was it like?” gasped the other friend.

“It was terrible. We were in the throes of passion and I was really enjoying myself. Then I looked up and her mother was there…” the first man explains.

“What did she say?” asked the friend incredulously…

“Baaaa!”

A new week, a new day, a new motherboard. It’s the 31st January which means that the new Lemon Jelly album is out. Hurrah! It’s not bad, but it’s not as good as “Lost Horizon”. There are a couple of good tracks and a couple of so-so tracks and one stinky track. The DVD is something else though and the added visuals give to the so-so tracks.

Anyway, to celebrate the release of this album, here’s “The Shouty Track”:

For more info, head over to http://www.lemonjelly.ky

While I was feeding Alex the Wonderdog, a mystery prize fell out of his box of James Wellbeloved patented doggie chow. It was a special pendant that flashed many different colours – the idea is that your dog doesn’t get run over in the dark or doesn’t get lost. I thought that this was the coolest freebie ever and put the pendant on his collar. The video clip below shows just how bright the pendant is. The blue colorisation in the clip is my night vision on my camcorder.

And so I proudly present Flashing Alex:

So a British explorer has been caught by a tribe of cannibals in deepest, darkest Africa. He pleads for his life: “You can’t eat me, I am an emmissary of Queen Victoria”. The tribal chief is a fair man, so he tells the intrepid explorer that if he can survive a test he will be spared and not put in the cooking pot.

The chief explains that there are three tents, each with a different task inside. The first tent contants a pitcher of the tribe’s strongest alcoholic drink, the second tent holds a tiger with a toothache and the third tent holds the chief’s pretty daughter.
“OK,” says the explorer, “First tent – drink the booze. Second tent – cure the tiger with a tootache. Third tent – pleasure the chief’s daughter.” The chief nods, knowing that the Englishman will probably just get eaten by the tiger.

So the explorer enters the first tent and drinks the booze. It is potent stuff and he staggers out of the tent absolutely rat-faced. He is staggering all over the place and can barely walk in a straight line. The tribe lead him into the second tent and in he goes. They hear the man screaming, the tiger howling and what appears to be a vicious fight between man and beast. This lasts for about 20 minutes until the explorer staggers out of the tent, scratched to ribbons and exhausted.

“OK,” he says, the effects of the alcohol still obvious, “Wheresh the girl with the toothache?”

🙂