You are allowed to enjoy this…

This entry is a memory aid should anything come amiss. Last night (Weds), we took both dogs out for their usual walk at 11.15pm. At the end of our road, I spied a regular walker with his dog. This dog is huge and the guy is small. He has no control over his animal and often lets it roam free. I am not sure of the breed, but it is probably as big as a man when it stands on its hind legs (no, it is not a Great Dane – it is more aggressive than that). We held back thinking that the man had disappeared behind the corner when all of a sudden the dog came running straight at us.

The animal instantly went for Alex and I did my best to defend him. It was only when Alex let out a blood-curdling cry that I kicked the dog a number of times in the gut with my boot, but it wouldn’t desist. The owner came running forward insisting that his dog was doing no harm. I told him to control his dog in no uncertain terms and then there was a scuffle and I was knocked to the floor. This action miraculously caused his dog to flee the scene in panic, saving Alex from further attack.

On the ground I tried to push him off but he bit hard on my finger. Worrying that I might never play guitar again, I desisted and he stopped gnawing on my thumb. We held each other by the throat in deadlock for a while until he released his grip. I verbally abused him as he fled the scene. The Missus alerted me that Alex was missing but I didn’t worry because I knew exactly where he was. While the Missus went to follow the man and his attack dog, I took Cappy the terrier home and saw that Alex was where I thought he’d be, on the doorstep waiting for me, shaking like a leaf.

I dropped Cappy off to my mum and then tended to Alex. He had three bite in his back – they look like flesh wounds but he wouldn’t let me look at them properly and became very agitated. My own thumb was bleeding and sore so I rinsed it under the tap and then poured some whiskey on it. I then took a couple of slugs from the bottle myself.

We know where the guy lives, so we’ll be reporting his dog to the RSPCA because if I hadn’t intervened I am sure that Alex would have been more seriously hurt. We are grateful that this huge animal didn’t attack Cappy the Yorkshire Terrier as it would have been certain curtains for him.
Now I am just left to nurse my bruises and take Alex to the vet tomorrow. I always said to the Missus that this would happen and as per usual, I was right. I even knew which dog it would be because this man has absolutely no control over the animal. Oh well, you walk away to fight another day, eh?

Here’s some pix of blood and gore:

Alex Injured

Bitten Thumb

So today I get another spam. This time our con-artist friends try a different tactic. They appeal to my heart. Unforunately, I am a cold-hearted braggard with no emotion and ice-water for blood so it doesn’t work. I guess they had to be creative this time. Read on, sole reader:
Dear Friend,
As you read this, I don’t want you to feel sorry for me, because, I believe everyone will die someday.
My name is Billy Collins, a merchant in Dubai, in the U.A.E.I have been diagnosed with Esophageal Cancer which was discovered very late, due to my laxity in carring for my health. It has defiled all forms of medicine, and right now I have only about a few
months to live, according to medical experts.
I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone not even myself but my business. Though I am very rich, I was never generous,I was always hostile to people and only focus on my business as that was the only thing I cared for.But
now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world. I believe when God gives me a second chance to come to this world I would live my life a different way from how I have lived it.
Now that God has called me, I have willed and given most of my properties and assets to my immediate and extended family members as well as few close friends. I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul. So, I have decided to give arms to charity organizations and give succour and comfort to the less priviledge in our societies, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth.
So far, I have distributed money to some charity organizations in the U.A.E, Algeria and Malaysia. Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this my self anymore. I once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money which I have there to charity organization and to the less priviledged in Bulgaria and Pakistan, they refused and kept the money to themselves. Hence, I do
not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contempted with what I have left for them.
The last of my money which no one knows of is the huge cash deposit of fourteen million dollars($14m) that I have with a Security Company in Europe for safe
keeping. I will want you to help me collect this deposit and disburse it to some charity organizations and to the less priviledged.
Please send me a mail to indicate if you will assist me in this disbursement. I have set aside 10% for your time and patience.You can e-mail me at my private e-mail address: billcollins@voila.fr ; for easy communication. While I await to hear from you,may God be with you and your entire family.
Remain blessed,
Billy Collins
Poor old, Bill Collins. I hope he gets better and all that money he collects cures him. Anyway, I am working on an article which is a toughie. No-one is talking. No-one will talk to me about the subject matter because it could be considered a little delicate in the industry I am writing for. I am frustrated and annoyed. I feel like giving up and just rolling over because there’s only so far you can push before all resolve gives out. Yesterday, The Missus sent me a lot of past articles related to the topic I am working on in order of me to get some inspiration. I read one article and it was absolutely brilliant – an insightful and valuable read. Then I realised that I had written it a couple of years ago. I literally felt sick. What had happened to me? Had I completely lost my way. Who was this man who I had just read? Was it really me? Where did he go? It gave me a lot to think about.
Discard the superfluous…
The Missus tells me I need to get my act together. I am like the boxer who has had too many fights, who has taken too many punches to the head and let his body turn to flab. He can still fight, but only in street brawls. I need to raise the game and get my mojo back. Yesterday, I kicked my own metaphorical arse. It was painful, but necessarily.
Today, The Missus takes her car for a MOT.

Christ on a bike – have the spammers finally run out of ideas. Read the spam email I received (posted below) and imagine what it must be like being a con artist trying to think up new ruses to liberate cash from the feeble and the faint-hearted.
Con artist 1: Got any new ideas for scams?
Con artist 2: Yeah, I thought of this new lottery one.
CA1: Cool. Tell me about it
CA2: Well we can con people about that lottery the British Queen runs
CA1: Are you sure? I don’t think the UK monarchy are involved in any lotteries
CA2: Don’t matter. People are dumb and are greedy. They’ll fall for it, especially with my deft line in emails. I’ll have them eating out of my hand.
CA1: Great! Get to it
CA2: We are in the money, my Nigerian friend
Etc, etc, etc…
Anyway, here has to be the singularly worst con email I’ve ever received. There’s no promise of hidden gold, no dead Kings of far-off African countries, just a feeble attempt to spin a line about a lottery that doesn’t exist. Read on and enjoy:
From the Royal Palace of England
Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II
Buckingham Palace
London SW1A 1AA
England
Dear Lucky Winner,
Thank you for participating in Her Majesty’s, Queen Elizabeth II 2006 lottery program. Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II 2006 lottery program selection has been performed finally at the Royal Palace of England, Buckingham Palace, England. Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II lottery program is a private lottery promotion registered and organized in accordance with the World Lottery Regulation Act (W.L.R.A.) and the British Gaming Board (B.G.B.).
Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II 2006 Lottery Organizing Committee (L.O.C.) is pleased to officially notify you of the status of your email address application. An official notification of winning is hereby issued to you as your email promotional ticket number; ELIZABETH II-13-02-96-09, with serial number; ELIZABETH II/027/198, and ref no; ELIZABETH II/027/2006 in batch E/3233 randomly drew for the lucky numbers 000-000-1984 which selected your email address as a winner of our International Lottery Program. You have therefore consequently won Her Majesty’s 2006 lottery promo in our first batch of the year.
To this extent, we have officially approved a sum payout of GBP 5,500,000.00 POUNDS only to you as our 2006 lottery winner. This amount is from the total prize cash of GBP 27,500,000.00 POUNDS randomly distributed among our five(5) International winners selected by our Lottery Random System Selection (L.R.S.S.). All participants were selected via a computer ballot system drawn from 45,000 email addresses issued from Australia, New Zealand, United States of America, Europe, North America and Asia, as part of our International Promotional Program. Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II 2006 lottery promo is the third edition of its kind and we intend to sensitize the public through this medium once again.
Buckingham’s Palace affiliate courier agency will immediately commence the process to facilitate the instant delivery of your lucky Winning Cheque to your own destination accordingly as soon as you contact them.
To begin the processing of your prize, you are to contact our reality courier agency immediately as stated below:
================================================================
NAME: ParcelUK Courier Services
Email:
Contact Person: Mr. Carl Davis
Telephone: +44-702-4068-065
Fax: +44-871-2474-939
================================================================
Please, also remember to contact them by please providing them with your ticket number; ELIZABETH II-13-02-96-09 and your reference number; ELIZABETH II/027/2006. You are also advised to provide them with the underlisted informations below as soon as possible:
1. Full name
2. Address where you would want the parcel delivered to
3. Telephone Number / Fax Number
As soon as your Winning cheque and certificate are in your own possession, you shall be invited for a live television show exactly one (1) week after at the Royal Palace of England, Buckingham Palace, England.
Remember, you must contact our affiliate courier agency using their mailing address not later than seven (7) working days from this notification or your funds will be returned as UNCLAIMED ***NOTE: IN ORDER TO AVOID UNNECESSARY DELAYS AND / OR COMPLICATIONS***. For security reasons, our lucky winners are also advised to keep their winning details from the public to avoid fraudulent acts / claim by unscrupulous members of the public.
Furthermore, should there be any change of your email address contact, do inform us as soon as possible. We hope that you will participate in our end of year high stakes of GBP 50,000,000.00 POUNDS coming up later in the year.
Congratulations once again, from my humble self and all members of Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II 2006 Lottery Organizing Committee (L.O.C.).
Yours faithfully,
Evang. Celina Foster
Lottery Co-ordinator for Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II 2006 Lottery Program
Do you think anyone will fall for that? I don’t know…I guess there’s one born every minute.
At the weekend, a CD-ROM fell out of the Guardian promoting the Sony Bravia TV. OK, normally I’d throw it away but it features the advert with all the coloured balls bouncing down a San Franciscan street. I think it is a great example of creative advertising (especially as it is promoting a Hi-Def TV). On the CD-ROM it showed how they actually made the advert and it involved 250,000 rubber SuperballsTM being propelled down the hill captured by 25 cameras. Amazing stuff. It could have so easily have been done by computer, but because it is real and the physics of those rubber balls actually happened, it makes it even more magical. You can read all about it here. The song that accompanies it is by Jose Gonzalez and you can download his album “Veneer” on eMusic.com. It’s rather good in a nylon-acoustic-folk-kind-of-way. There’s a touch of Simon & Garfunkel and Nick Drake in there – I quite like it and he’s touring the UK next month. The original song “Heartbeats” was recorded in 2003 by fellow Swedes The Knife. It’s a great pop song, especially if you like your pop with a dollop of “electro”.

On our way to the newsagents to get the Sunday paper, we happened to chance across a dead finch, not a few hundred yards from our house. It lay directly in the middle of the pavement. The bird was in perfect condition and looked as if had flown into a car or struck some other object and died of its injuries. Worried that another animal might disturb the creature or a person might kick it unceremoniously into the kerb, I used a plastic bag I normally use to scoop Alex the Wonderdog’s poop to pick the bird up. It’s plumage and condition were perfect and I put the animal in my pocket, half-hoping that it was only stunned and that the warmth of my body might reveive it and half-knowing that the bird was stone dead.
I took it home and in the back garden laid it on the grass to photograph the dead bird. There was no miracle. It wasn’t going to come back to life. It looked so peaceful on the grass. Eventually, I felt very sad for the bird and put it back into the plastic bag, which was now its shroud and put the animal in the rubbish. These are the same birds that feed in our garden on our feeder and fly around. This is the only way you’ll see one up close and the fragile beauty of its feathers and primordial ancestry indicated by its raptor-like feet held me entranced. The Missus suggested it might make a good album cover – along with the picture of the dead mouse I found in the garden last year.

Now I am worried that my lone reader will think that I have a morbid curiosity with dead animals. No – I am just fascinated by them – I prefer them alive. It’s just only only ever see them up close when they die.

Last night I sat down to do some recording but my PC decided it was having none of it. My recording software put crackles and pops into the track where there were no crackles and pops. It is that time of the year again and so I sat down and began to reinstall Windows XP. It is a bit like Spring cleaning really and I do this ever 12 months or so. Backing up all important data to my other drives is a chore, but essential. The reinstallation took me to the early hours but again it was essential. Ho hum.
On the telly, I am a big fan of The Mark Steel Lectures. I store them on my Thompson DHD4000 box (which is a bit like Sky+ but without the satellite or the subscription to Evil Murdoch Inc PLC). The great thing about this series is it harks back to the fabled Golden Age of TV. These programmes are both amusing and informative. Mark Steel takes a famous person and then puts a humourous spin on their history. Last episode it was Chaucer. OK – it sounds flippant but it really is clever and I recommend anyone who likes their humour clever (or their documentaries funny) to check it out.
Today – bought shoes for The Missus and went to the pub for a Guiness. Still too cold to drink cider. Bah…roll on the warm weather.

The interesting thing about web browers such as Internet Explorer 6 or Firefox is that you can embed a number of sound files in the HTML to automatically play. Because all the sound files will play independently, over the top of each other, you can create some interesting generative music pieces. I’ve done this before years ago when this site looked very different. I’ve had this domain for about six years and a web presence since around 1997.
Anyway, back to (de)generative music. The idea is simple – you create a number of fairly loose short loops of different lengths. You upload these to a webspace and then put the code into an HTML file such as this. You set each embedded music file to play automatically and to loop indefinately. As the loops move out of synch, they create new patterns and new music – hence the term generative music. Before this was done with multiple tape recorders or looping devices. Now you can do it with a web browser. As the loops are fairly short and small in size, most people, even those on a narrowband connection, will hear the music. Normally, I’d create longer loops or loops with more spaces so that they fell out of synch more – but in this instance it is meant to be a piss-take of a technique called “Soundscaping” – you google it, my friend.
An example of this can be heard at the moment at www.projekction.net – a music fansite I foolishly setup three years ago. I’m doing a fund drive to raise the rent and I thought I’d keep my punters entertained with some generative music. It’s called “Turkeys” and features the vocal talents of Robert Fripp. It becomes quite hypnotic after a while and you’ll soon be reaching for the razor blades.
Amazing what you can do in 10 minutes, ain’t it? 😉

Three entries in one day…oo’er Missus. (That’s watching the brilliant Fatabulosa on BBC 4 last night – more about that later). Now stop messin’ about.
This entry is a note to myself that today I got my Iain Lee Rocks MP3 played on LBC. He liked it a lot, especially liking the slightly rude lyrics. On the radio it sounded a bit mushy and compressed. Not too happy with the production. Oh well, must clean out my lugholes.
Last night, I really enjoyed the aforementioend “Fantabulosa” on BBC4, a dramatisation of the life of Kenneth Williams. Now Williams wasn’t the easiest person to get along with for various reasons, but was hugely talented. I still remember him fondly on Jackanory and doing all the voices for the cartoon series Willo The Wisp. Anyway, Michael Sheen did a fantastic performance recreating the man and his many guises. It was amazing to watch. The story of Williams is two-fold: it’s either the story of a comedy genius who never found his level or its the story of a man looking for love and not finding it. Williams was gay (obviously) but brought up at a time where being homosexual was not easy, nor legal. His fastidious nature and his inability to connect with people meant that he was always going to be alone. He would have made a psychologist very happy as a case study.
His stomach problems are something I can totally sympathise with. I have suffered with terrible stomach cramps (well, they are bowel spasms if you must know) for nearly a decade. I have my condition under control, avoiding stressful situations and eating very carefully. Williams wasn’t so lucky and suffered with his stomach to the point of suicide. It’s a pain you cannot imagine and there’s no relief. They can swap hearts, kidneys and lungs, but with your bowels you are screwed – the most they can do is whip it out and give you a bag. The stomach pains I feelt are so bad you can’t even move. Thanks to this blog, I know my last bout of it was last year, causing me to miss the Tortoise concert at the RFH. When Sheen winced, I winced with him. At the end, it was very moving. Whenever I think of people in that condition, I often think of Kurt Cobain, who got hooked on drugs because they helped him overcome his own stomach problems.
Anyway, I digress. Fatabulosa was an excellent bit of TV, but what annoyed me was that it was on BBC4. This should have easily been on BBC1. The ghettoisation of broadcasting means that fine TV programmes are often marginalised and hidden away where Joe Q Public are unlikely to see them. It’s a terrible shame and a waste of resources, but I reckon the BBC wiill be showing this on the main channel real soon as it helped BBC4 get its biggest viewership in its history.
To end, more from Williams:
“Infamy, Infamy, they’ve all got it in for me.” 😉