Recent events have caused me to throw myself at the mercy of employers and with cap in hand, spit and polish on my CV and hope in my heart. Last week, I applied for about 10 positions and one of them was quite local. I liked the sound of it and visualised myself doing the journey to work. I spoke to the lady at the agency dealing with my application and felt that I had made a good impression with my experience and general keeness. That was on Tuesday…and yesterday afternoon, I received an email saying I had been unsucessful. When I pressed them further, I was told that the position had been given to a temp who had been working there. Well why fricking advertise the job as being available? Are you doing this just to waste my time and give me false hope? My inherent opinion that all job agencies are useless remains unabated. Another rejection from another agency appeared in my inbox not long after. It was a great end to a particularly dismal Friday.
But heck, I am not going to be put off by a set-back. I have other things going for me like my terrible music. And yes, I have finally managed to pull my finger out of my rear and finish “God Pays Debts Without Money…”. I spent most of the today pulling together the first copies and it is all registered wth CDBABY. All I’ve got to do now is send them off to America on Monday. To say I am proud is an understatement as I am particularly pleased with how it all turned out. Now I am at a loss with what to do with myself musically speaking.
A table full of my CDs ready for the off
Yup, both “Without Words” and “Sows’ Ears” have sold out so I have to send some more stock out too. So it is going to be a very expensive day at the Post Office on Monday!
Category: Diary
Weird Al does it again.
For anyone who is following these postings, the reason I am putting up these video clips of me improvising or “making it up as I go along” is because I am trying to figure out a new methodology in my music. I feel I have gotten too safe lately and so by putting myself on show somewhat I can get my arse kicked by those who know better. Most of these improvised tunes aren’t that good, so I expected some bad reviews. And it didn’t take long to get a drubbing…
My most recent “improv” put down on 24 September was also posted on YouTube and I got a very perceptive comment from the mysterious “SrEspantoso” who commented “Too much money – too much technology”. This very perceptive because it is indeed true that what I lack in musical ability and talent, I make up for with technology. I would be the first person to say that I happily hide behind my racks of gear purely because I am not a musician in the classical sense of the word.
I find making music very difficult and it’s not like writing where I can happily string words together without even thinking about it. Music for me is tough and every tune and doodle takes effort as I am naturally not a musician. I took to music later than most, starting on and off with the bass at seventeen. I then moved onto guitar in my early 20s. I think for me, music is more about pushing myself forward and surprising myself rather than pleasing anyone else. And if you can’t please yourself, who can you please? But the comment got me thinking…it was a fair comment…and it was true. Again, I think I am presenting this weaker material purely so I can get sniped at. A bit of humble pie is good for the soul, etc. etc. But should I care about my approach?
I’ve known other hobby musicians who spend their time perfecting their craft – being happy that they’ve mastered their instrument and getting frustrated with their own limitations when they hit the artistic wall. I’ve never been like that. I’ve always just tried to write a tune that I like. I couldn’t give a fuck about how fast I play or if I am repeating myself or if I’ve nicked an idea from somewhere else. If I did care, I doubt I’d have had so much fun with my music. Indeed, I have recorded 90% crap, but in there somewhere is some tunes that I am proud of.
But what about the technology? Should I step away from it and try and do something a bit simpler? Should I forgo the electric guitar? I don’t know. I’ll just keep pressing the buttons until I come up with something better…
As for Mr SrEspantoso, I deleted his comment because I didn’t want the whole world to know what a complete and utter fraud I am! 🙂
Again, the idea is to produce a short improvised instrumental piece over a short riff. The mistakes are left in for your enjoyment:
Direct download: CLICK HERE
You can also get this if you are a subscriber to my podcast feed too.
This kind of left me feeling a little disturbed…
Look, he’s at it again!
Another day, another soundscape. This one starts of badly, but towards the end features a sweet flutey bit that works well.
Last night on TV, I watched the fascinating programme by Stephen Fry talking about being bi-polar. While I don’t think I have the condition, I understand the manic phases, the insomnia and the crashing depression. However, when I am up I am incredibly creative and will spend my time pouring myself into the music or whatever takes my fancy at the time and have no time for sleep or anything else. When I am down, a big black cloud descends and I can be a right moping misery for days on end with no energy to do anything. I always thought it was the creative spark at large and not a mental condition. Luckily, having a dog and a strong routine and a sense of optimism has banished the low-points. The thing that got me was when Fry was talking about the self-loathing and he kept reeling off a list of how wretched he was. I thought that was perfectly normal for an Englishman, or was that just me? Again, there was a time when I’d have a mental flash of all the mistakes I’d ever made in my life playback in my head like a flicker book and then I’d privately berate myself for being completely useless. It was a real eye opener, but at least I know I am not bi-polar, as I believe a lot of what happened to me was down to the “Young Man Blues”. As I get older, I am feeling a lot more comfortable in this skin.
And why do I keep getting the urge to write “bear” at the end of bi-polar…?