You are allowed to enjoy this…

Eino Keskitalo asks:

So – what was your favourite on the Spectrum?

He is of course referring to my favourite computer game on the ZX Spectrum. Well I played all the classics such as Manic Miner, Jet Set Willy and Elite, but there’s always a fond spot in my heart for the games that were put out by UK gaming company “Ultimate”. Jet Pac was an instant fave and all that company’s titles had an imagination and flair that really defined the computer games we see today. Even the packaging got sophisticated too. But yeah, I collected all of those early “Ultimate” games.
HG says:

As a fellow music snob I totally know where you are coming from.
I’m afraid I have a massive soft spot for Pearl jam and that is so not cool.

I’m not a music snob per se, I just don’t want to be hip. I want to be square! There’s nowt wrong with Pearl Jam – they’ve weathered the storm of grunge and were always more melodic than Nirvana. If Vedder had all the emotional/drugs baggage of Cobain, things might have gone the other way. Anyhoo, here’s “Do the Evolution”, which is my favourite Pearl Jam track:

Recently, I’d managed to flog a few copies of “God Pays” and I’d asked a couple of the good people to write a short review on the product page in order to drum up some interest in the music. I got my first review today, and while it is fair, some of it makes me go “Uh?” And yes, the reviewer is right – I don’t have any friends. If I did, I wouldn’t be able to make all this music…
This is from Laurence H:

DISCLAIMER. I don’t think Darren has any ‘friends’ but if he did, I might be considered one of them, however distantly. First off, this is really a 2 CD set. The third, ‘vocal’ disc sounds kind of like Ian Drury & the Blockheads out-takes. The fourth sounds like the navel gazing of someone who has just discovered the guitar and recording equipment. But that’s OK. The first two discs are first rate. I’m amazed that some bloke can perform and record such music at such a high level in his basement/living room. Darren’s inspirations are often obvious, but they are righteous. Robert Fripp. Brian Eno. Phil Manzanera. Micheal Brook. In a world that cries out (without necessarily knowing it) for another ‘Apollo’, another ‘Hybrid’, a King Crimson where Fripp remembers he’s a guitarist, ‘God Pays His Debts…’ is a Red Cross helicopter. I really enjoy discs 1 and 2 and consider the money well-spent.

Oh well, I am not sure if it will get folks reaching for their credit cards, but at least it is honest… Mind you, it is a glowing recommendation compared to the feedback I got on YouTube yesterday, a message in broken English telling me never to make music again. Oh well, better sell my guitar then.
Yesterday, I did the right thing, or at least I thought it was the right thing, and sent a present to my father at the address I have for him. Whether he and his family are still living there is another matter. Whether or not he wants the present is indeed another matter, but the parcel was sent because I thought he might be interested in hearing some of my music. However, receiving nearly 10 hours of Lock Music in the post might be a trifle frightning though. Anyway, I doubt I’ll hear anything back from that quarter as I am persona non grata.
Today, I waited indoors all day for an Xmas present for the Missus I ordered a week ago from Comet to arrive. They give you the option to choose the day and so I chose today. I didn’t go out to get a newspaper, I didn’t take Alex for his morning and afternoon walk. I stayed in and flinched at every unusual sound from outside and every false alarm triggered by Alex the Wonderdog barking the good bark. The parcel didn’t come…
Oh well, there’s always tomorrow…
On Sunday, we celebrated the in-laws Ruby wedding anniversary and went to the same pub where our wedding reception was held. The place was heaving with people and my nerves were steadied by numerous pints of lager. It was a good time and it was nice to catch up with everyone again. Me and the Missus were both amazed at how much our little niece had grown since we’d last seen her in November. Time truly does fly.

When it comes to music, I’ve realised that I’ve always preferred to take the road less travelled…or at least preferred bands that have a cult or niche appeal. Now, I am not sure if shunning the popularati of the hit parade was some feeble kind of rebellion by a younger Master Lock or whether it was borne out of that accidental encounter with the NME Encyclopaedia of Rock in the school library back in 1985. I think this is why I’ve always sided with relatively obscure progressive rock bands and tried to be sniffy about other people’s more mainstream music tastes.
Anyway, I’ve always resisted artists that I’ve deemed to be too popular. A good instance of this was Nick Drake. I’d always perceived him to be the deceased champion of the upper middle classes – you know, pale vegetarian Guardian readers with a taste for angst folk. And so I’d resisted him for a long time, even though secretly in my heart I’d knew that I’d like his music a lot. And so about five years ago, I took the plunge and managed to nab a CD copy of his Fruit Tree compilation on eBay. I’ve been a fan ever since. I was just in denial.
Of course, there have been instances when I’ve championed bands who suddenly become popular and this always makes me feel very uncool. A couple of names spring to mind: Faith No More and Pulp. However, both these bands have subsequently split and so it is OK for me to embrace my fandom again. Well today, I was scouring my favourite legitimate digital music provider eMusic and I noticed that a band called Belle and Sebastian had its albums available. Now I remember back to 1996 and being blitzed by various working companions about how good this band was, but I resisted because at that time this band was too cool, too hip for me. I knew that they were from the Nick Drake school, but again I was going to resist the music. But today, it is OK for me to download this band’s music because their star is on the wane. The trendy music press is far more interested in the likes of the Artic Monkeys (who I plan to get into in about 5 years time). So I downloaded Tigermilk and had a jolly afternoon’s listening. What next? Maybe I will listen to that Elastica album now…enough time has passed, surely?
Of course, as I’ve got older, my tastes have actually got broader. There’s a lot of music I can listen to now that I wouldn’t have dreamed of listening to a decade ago. And that’s a good thing – because all music is a power for good. Though I’ve still not got the hang of gangsta rap (I prefer old skool B-Boy stuff, myself) and some country music.
Talking of country music, what happens when you play country records backwards?
You get your job back, your wife cancels the divorce and your dog returns from the grave…

I like computer games. I know I am probably a bit old to be playing toy soldiers, but I am of that generation that grew up with the ZX Spectrum, so it is a bit hard for me to resist the latest shiny console. I’ve tried to resist, I’ve tried to act my age, but my resolve always crumbles and I end up playing games again.
My passion at the moment is a game called Rainbox Six: Vegas on the XBox 360 and this is a FPS (first person shooter) that lets you blow the top of terrorist’s heads with your high powered rifle. Ahhh, if only real life was as simple as that. But the thing about this game that has got me all a quiver is that you can put your face into the game using a technique called Digimask. It’s all rather clever. Anyway, in an attempt to force myself to have some interest in this blog, here’s a snap of Digital Darren. I think the technology behind Digimask is pretty cool myself.

Anyway, my Xbox Live login is Little Lemon, so if you want to come find me and put a bullet in my head, feel free to join the queue. Man, I really ought to have grown up by now.

The problem with an online blog or diary of any kind is that you’ve actually got to want to write entries. For various reasons, I have run out of steam. Cataloguing the minutiae of my daily routine hardly appeals to me as a reader, let alone a writer and nothing exciting or wonderful is happening at the moment. So I was going to wind down the operation and re-focus the website to a more sedentary design, but then I checked my credit card bill the other day and my webhost had automatically charged my card for another 12 months of web hosting. So now I feel obliged to continue. Sigh…
So in an attempt to inject a little bit of self-interest into the site, I’ve added a new section to the left in the form of “Writing”. The idea is to post some of my writings over the years in that section. Being a bit of a semi-autistic wanker, I have kept most of the cuttings from the magazines I’ve written for and they are in a cardboard box under the stairs. If I had the energy, it is feasible that I could scan and post these pieces on this site – then this place would then be transformed into a virtual mausoleum of my creative endeavours. Woweee…I bet you are excited, eh?
Don’t fall asleep at the back there…

You can now listen to all my available music for FREE via the brilliant Last.fm website. You’ll need to register and download a little application to enable you to stream whole albums, but it is worth it. Honest! There’s also a load of free MP3 you can download too. So click here for more Lock tunes
Meanwhile, the cryptic “Mr Mind” asks of my recent entry about the TV show Mastermind:

And what would have been your specialist subject?

It would have been “The life and works of Andrew Osborne”, you cheeky monkey…

The old saying is: “They only come out at night” and last night proved the adage to be quite true. We were four fifths through our late night walkies with Alex the Wonderdog and the Capmeister General when in the distance I spied an alarming sight.

At first, I thought the man in the distance was wearing white trousers, but as my bespectacled eyes focussed in the darkness, I could see that this man was naked from the waist down, apart from his socks. For the record, he was walking nonchalantly down Goldingham Avenue at about 11.30pm as if nothing was amiss. There was no scurrying into the darkness to preserve his modesty or any about his appearance to say that this behaviour was anything but normal. Over his right arm was slung his jeans and underpants and in his left hand he held his shoes.

So what’s the story? Is he a lover who has fled the scene after the unexpected arrival of the cuckold husband? Did he do a runner out of the window like Robin Askwith in one of those crazy “Confessions” films of the 1970s? Perhaps, he was a peeping tom and having a crafty wank whilst spying trough his victims window? Perhaps he was a sexual deviant who got his kicks from displays of exhibitionism? Or maybe he was really forgetful and only just remembered to put his trousers on.

As we moved closer, the man leant against the wall between the two blocks of flats in that road and leant against the wall for balance as he slid on his underpants and trousers. He saw us and then scarpered into the night still holding his shoes in his hand. As he fled, I made a quip about the dogs being hungry. Anyhow, you don’t expect to see a stranger’s cock and balls whilst out walking the dogs. The guy himself was white, a little podgy, dark shortish hair, probably 30-35, about 5’6″ to 5’8″ and was wearing a dark top. This is for the record just in case there are any reports of any wrongdoing in the area on Friday 1 December 2006 at 11.30pm.

Meanwhile, the blog has been quiet because frankly I don’t feel like writing anything down. It is that time of the year and things are in decline. In less than a month, I’ve seen all my regular avenues for writing work dry up and I head towards 2007 with no work forthcoming. This is not the first time this has happened and it won’t be the last. The trick is survival and such is the business of a self-employed freelance writer. It is a tough business and you are only as good as your last commission.

Last week, I received a call from Gemma at the BBC. At first, I thought it might have been about a job, but it turns out she was calling from the Mastermind office. In January, I applied to go on the quiz show because I thought I should do something exciting with my year. They wanted me to audition this coming Monday, but I gracefully declined as I no longer felt mentally prepared for the challenge. I said I’d apply again when I was ready while lying that I was too busy to attend. The Missus said I was a fool for turning it down, but my brain doesn’t work too well in the darker months – I need sunlight to thrive!

Good job I did turn it down because during the course of this week I have been suffering from a bad ear infection. My left ear is swollen and painful and sometimes, if I am lucky, oozes. Nice! It is so painful I cannot sleep on it and it is impossible to wear headphones for any period of time. I am hoping it dries out and cures itself. In the meantime, I am feeling sick and giddy like a schoolgirl with a crush on the local hunk. However, I think this is down to the ear infection and not being in love. 🙂

So The Missus bought me my Xmas present early. It was that acoustic guitar we saw the last time we went to Bluewater and we managed to pick up one from a German music store for a £90 saving. Result! The guitar arrived and I was meant to open it for Xmas, but the outer box had some damage and The Missus insisted I check it out to see if the guitar was OK. Well, luckily the instrument was well packaged and is in pristine condition. It is a lovely guitar and I recommend the Fender GDC-100 SCE. I should do a review or something. The new acoustic has strengthened my left hand and I started a little recording. The following is a very short demo of a track I am working on. It’s only a snippet so don’t think it is in anyway the finished article.

I don’t ask much from you guys (well maybe I ask you to buy my CDs a little too often) but I’ve been very foolish and entered myself into a couple of music competitions here in Blighty. Both of these contests could result in yours truly playing live in front of real people, so here’s your chance to vote for me and watch me die of stage fright. Go on, you know you want to make me suffer!
The Pringles Unsung Competition
The MyMemory Jersey Live Unsigned Competition
Vote, vote, vote!