You are allowed to enjoy this…

In ye olde days, I was blighted by insomnia. I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with sleep. Or maybe it’s that by nature I am a nocturnal creature preferring to beaver around when everyone is in bed. I like it late at night when there’s no-one about. It is if I have the whole world to myself (obviously that’s not quite true because on the other side of the world it is daytime).
Anyway, having children and a lifestyle that doesn’t lend itself to my various nocturnal activities (mainly recording music), my insomnia used to be a thing of the past. But ever since the incident, my sleep patterns are all over the shop. I’ve actually gone quite insane, really. Now I stay up in the (probably) misguided notion that if I am awake during these hours, nothing bad will happen to the house and if it does I am instantly on hand to ferry everyone to safety and deal with the miscreants. The incident has really fucked me up.
So this song is about what it is like to be me and trying to get to sleep. It’s short, but sometimes when I lie in bed I honestly feel that if I do go to sleep that I might never rise again. I worry that I won’t be there for the kids, that the stress of my situation my somehow finish me off. I’ve been aware of my mortality since I was five years old and when I have an attack of imagining my last breath, I now get very upset, because I want to life forever just so I can be there for the chlidren. What a sad pathetic fuck I’ve become, eh? My attack of shingles before Christmas was a warning signal about my health and stress levels, but there’s very little I can do until I extricate myself from this mess. Ahh, I could give you the details but who wants to hear yet another sob story? Boo-hoo. Grow some balls, man, ferchrissakes…

Hold On Till Morning
And I lay here in the darkness
And I can hear the baby breathing
And I feel your heat beside me
And I pray I have the strength to carry on
The tension in my chest
Tightens like a press
And the world spirals
So far away from me
The Coils of Sleep
Won’t drag me deep
As I worry on the how’s and now’s
Trying to find a way out
And I hope I can hold on
Till the early morning birdsong
Signals I’ve survived another night
And I’m greeted by the same familial sight
And you’ll are there by my side

I finally added the words to the music. I ruined it all by singing. I’m sorry. But it needed to be sung. This is my song to express my utter devotion to Sharon, Verity and Herbie. Nothing more needs to be said. It’s one from the heart.
The singing was done….very quietly…so as not to wake any small children…so that’s why it’s not a full-blooded vocal performance. More muted and trying for emotion.
Here are the words:

Give It To You
You fix me here
A reason to be
Put my feet on the ground
Someone to be around
To take care
To hold you in my hands
To help me understand
See the shining stars in sky
Every one is there for you
Count them if you can
Hold them in your hands
And If I could give them to you
I’d give you everything
That I have

It’s not Shakespeare, but it’ll have to do. This will be the last song on the new album (whatever that turns out to be).

Here is “Give It To You” again. This time I’ve redone some of the guitars, re-recorded the bassline completely (because before it was just a guide pulse rather than the “real thing”) and added a middle and extended the ending. I feel it would make a strong vocal track, but I just don’t have the confidence to spray my vocals all over it. Though I must admit it does sound like the playout track of a romantic comedy, perhaps? That’s it Darren. Write music for films that don’t exist. Excellent strategy…