Category: Diary


Return of the One-Legged Swamp Thing

Today was a day of metaphorical sunshine and showers. Herbie was adopting his persona of Grumpus Maximus (the cod latin for massive grump) and was hard to console. It could be teething, more teeth are shooting through, so Calpol was administered and eventually he calmed down.

The biggest test of the day was getting Verity to her doctors appointment, where she was to have her MMR jab. The issue was the distance to be walked, as I am no car driver and public transport would take us the scenic route, and whether or not to squeeze a rather large three-and-a-half year old into a buggy.

I decided that we would walk and while it started well, it wasn’t long before the complaining began:

“Are we at the Doctor’s yet?”

“Are we lost?”

“I am scared. We are lost”

“Are we at the Doctor’s yet?”

Repeat as required…

But it was a lovely sunny spring afternoon and we made good progress up Alderton Hill and down Trap’s Hill to the surgery. Being a clever so-and-so and trying to negotiate the traffic, I decided we cross earlier and walk along the short grass verge that faced the medical centre. As we got closer to the entrance, I suddenly noticed the ground underfoot becoming very waterlogged and before I could step backwards and navigate an alternate route, I discovered my right boot sinking into a boggy puddle that completely enveloped my boot and a good inch of my jeans.

I quickly drew up my boot and skipped over the water trough that blocked our way. Amazingly, Verity’s shoes didn’t get a single speck of mud on them and I quickly searched for some long grass with which to soak up the mud from my boots. Despite my efforts, I trudged into the surgery and left a single line of muddy footprints in and out of the establishment, which, to the casual observer, would have looked as if a one-legged swamp thing had hopped in and then out of the surgery, leaving behind in his wake a splattering of mud and debris.

Thankfully, the injections were shrugged off with a few tears, rewarded with a sweet and some stickers and while we sat in the waiting room to see if any ill-effects should appear, a quick game of “Sonic the Hedgehog” on my iPod Touch took her mind off the two injections, one in each arm.

We then walked into town, went into WH Smiths and selected a Peppa Pig magazine and spent some time on a bench reading the stories and saving our legs for the walk home. Of course, little madam had to give up at the final furlong and I carried her part of the way up the hill, but we made it home intact.

Despite the soggy foot and the occasional feeling of being an utter failure in this world, I had my reward this afternoon. I was very proud of my daughter and how she behaved, how she didn’t make a fuss with the injections and how she was rapt in my storytelling on the bench with tales of Peppa Pig at the Fair, the hustle and bustle of the world moving around us.

It’s moments like this that make me realise I really am the luckiest man in the world… I don’t deserve any of this.

Day of the Stupid

Why have one stupid thing happen to you in a day when you could have three? I love stupid. I embrace stupid. I fondle the stupidness in me and realise that I am a fully paid up member of the Idiot Nation. However, I am an idiot in disguise. I am undercover. I am working on the inside see.

The day started with a raft of post flopping through the letter box. Contained within were two items of stupid to deal with. The first was the realisation that British Telecom (or BT as they call themselves in chummy marketing speak) doesn’t actually change your postal address when you move house for I received a bill from my old property via Royal Mail’s mail forwarding service.

No, they don’t change your address for you – you have to go online to your account and do it yourself manually. How stupid is that? It’s taken me nearly two months to find this out, but I have updated my details and hopefully no more bills will go astray. Mind you, who actually wants to receive bills? I must be daft or sumfink…

The second item of stupid came via the local council and its council tax bill. They’d already demonstrated how stupid they were by messing up my original council tax bill and having to send a replacement. So imagine the lack of suprise when I open the bill and discover that it contains a reminder. No, Mr Lock you haven’t paid the outstanding amount from your previous bill.

Au contraire, I fire off a retaliatory email to them stating that they were paid from my debit card via their payment website at the beginning of the month. I don’t think I’ve heard the last of that one.

The third item of stupid consumed the rest of the day. I had ordered some monitor speakers for my digital mixer, having giving my old set away before we moved. The company I used had been good in the past and I expected them to arrive before lunchtime. When they didn’t turn up I checked my email, then my spam folder and discovered the tracking details.

Somehow the speakers had been delivered to the completely wrong address! I am not sure how it happened but I suspect that someone at the company had entered in the wrong postcode and automatically send the item astray. So I go around and knock to see if I can retreive them. No-one is home.

I return and fire off an email to the company involved and they tell me that I should get them back, but assure me that the mistake was no way mine. Heck, I knew that. The address was COMPLETELY different to my own so it wasn’t as if I’d had a brain fart and typed it all in wrong.

So a couple more visits and still no answer. No answer from the neighbours either, but I check the tracking information at the courier website and it tells me that it was delivered to number 18. So I go back again, but there’s no answer despite lights being on and evidence of human habitation. Thankfully, I had the presence of mind to have a note written out with my sad story inside and my contact number, which I posted through the letter box.

After dinner, I received a message saying that they did have my speakers and I could go and collect them. Huzzah! Problem solved. When I brought them home and opened up my invoice I was amused (is amused the right emotion, I’m not sure) to discover that the company had got my CORRECT home delivery address on the invoice.

It truly was a “Day of the Stupid”…

CD Review: Penguin Café – A Matter of Life…

Penguin Café - A Matter of Life...

The new album from Arthur Jeffes, Penguin Café

I’ve written many words about my fondness for the original Penguin Café Orchestra and its proprietor, Simon Jeffes, and you might have already read my review of the recent concert by the revived, rebooted, Penguin Café helmed by son-of-Jeffes, Arthur. Well now there’s an album of new material written by Arthur Jeffes featuring this new configuration of musicians.

It’s a hard job to fill anyone’s footsteps, probably even harder to fill your father’s footsteps but “A Matter of Life..” is brave attempt at resurrecting his musical heritage. Before you even listen to the CD you have to commend his strength of character for even attempting such a feat. I mean, what if the record is a stinker? What if it is just a piss-poor shadow of the original Penguin Café music?

Thankfully, the answer to those questions is a resounding “No!”. There are some classic moments on the record where you forget that this is Jeffes Jr work and you kid yourself that the PCO are back in town, the opening track “That, Not That” and “Landau” are examples of the music just spiriting you away to the good old days and a are worth the price of admission alone.

And while it is a brave record, you can sense that there is a lot of nostalgia here, the tunes are looking back and not looking forward. A lot of the musical cues and ticks and styles are borrowed wholesale from Jeffes Snr (the “Fox and the Leopard”, for example). Is this a bad thing? Yes, if you are looking for a work of startling genius. No, if you accept the record and the project for what it is: remembering and reviving.

I must admit I’ve never experienced music or a record like this before. It feels right as a continuation, but the snickering cynic at the back of my mind asks: “Is this music genuine – does it come from a genuine place?” I don’t want to even try and answer that because I have already accepted the record and I can’t imagine my own children being remotely interested in the music I make, let alone setting out on a path to recreate it.

The bottom line is that if you are a Penguin Café Orchestra fan and you want the closest thing to bringing the band back from the dead and experiencing a new PCO album, then this is it. My only criticism is some of the later tracks feel a little underdeveloped and meandering, but the original band were guilty of this trait sometimes too.

It truly is a remarkable piece of work and my admiration for Arthur Jeffes continues. I look forward to seeing the band again in May.

Ghost in the Field

This is a little track I recorded on the 14 July 2009 – I must have done this back in The Shed – and I thought I’d test out the new media player in WordPress with it today.

[audio:ghostinthefield.mp3]
DOWNLOAD

The interesting thing about this track is that it is a live performance of myself on the bass guitar playing through the Boss RC-50 looper. I am also using the Boss SL-20 slicer pedal to add that weird rhythmic slant to proceedings and then I am soloing over the top.

The overall vibe of the track gave it a title this afternoon and that’s it really. A little unformed sketch that was never used…

New Lick of Paint

After the recent weeks of comment spam and weird traffic to this site originating from Chinese IP addresses, I’ve finally decided to dump Movable Type as my content management system and move to WordPress. I’m hoping that removing CGI scripts from my site and relying on PHP instead will mean that the attacks on my site will stop and the spamming will be diminished. It appears that WordPress as better anti-spam support than Movable Type and so it will be interesting to see what happens next.

Of course, I’ve not quite finished this project yet – it is an ongoing work – so expect bits to drop off, wither and die over the coming days. I am hoping that this will encourage me to make more postings.

I have been using Roland guitar synths since 1994, starting with the now legendary GR-1 and working my way through to the most recent GR-33 version. Being a tech fanatic, it is no surprise that every time Roland releases a new shiny box, my pulse races and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. When the announcement of the new GR-55 guitar synthesiser was made at the 2011 Winter NAMM, the news was equally, if not more, exciting.

This time around Roland was marketing the GR-55 as a kit-killer, a one box solution that would do away with the GR-33, the VG-99 guitar modeller and any other stomp boxes you might employ. The promotional videos near enough spelt this out in huge flaming letters four hundred feet high. So, the GR-55 had a lot of hype to live up to but this didn’t stop me pre-ordering my unit.

I’ve had my GR-55 for a couple of weeks now and I thought it was time I posted some thoughts on it. First off, I must commend Roland for returning to a metal chassis when building their effects units. The VG-8 and VG-88 both sported metal cases and looked like Stealth bombers and this gave the units a sturdiness that was comforting. Other units such as the GR-33 or the VG-99 have relied on lighter, less solid plastic constructions, so it was nice to see that the big blue GR-55 was rock solid. It instantly makes you think you’ve bought a quality piece of kit. The buttons are solid, the footpedal exudes quality and there’s a nice big rotational control knob flanked by press buttons to act as your main navigational tool.

This is my Roland GR-55 guitar synthesiser

This is my Roland GR-55 guitar synthesiser

The display is lovely and large and is a refreshing change to other guitar synths I’ve had which often have relied on double line LCD displays which tire your eyes really quickly. The GR-55’s display takes a page from the VG-99 and writes its messages to you in large friendly letters. The editing and patch access takes getting used, relying on lots of flicking through the “Page” buttons to access features and it can be a bit overwhelming remember where patch functions are. But I am sure with some more practice this will come second nature to me.

But what about the tracking? Yes, the most important quality of a guitar synth is how well it tracks on your guitar and I can say, hand on heart, that the GR-55 is the best guitar synth for tracking I’ve ever owned. With minimum setup, even my nylon string Godin Multiac ACS was triggering sounds very accurately. The sounds themselves are very high quality and in my opinion, superior to the GR-33 and hark back to the top end synth sounds of the GR-1. Of course, some of the patches are near useless and will need tweaking, but I was very impressed with the pianos and the wind instruments. The flute patch itself is very expressive and sounds utterly convincing.

The unit also features a USB stick reader so it can be used to playback WAV files – making ideal for solo performers to pack backing tracks with them – and there’s a 20-second looper on board too. The looper itself is good fun allowing you to capture ideas and to overdub on the top of the original loop ad infinitum, but compared to one of the RC units put out by Boss (Roland’s dedicated guitar business) it feels quite limited. However, it is an extra value feature you get with the unit and should be considered in those terms.

Connectivity involves a USB connection to a computer allowing you to backup any patches, but I don’t think that there’s a dedicated patch editor for the GR-55 yet. This would be a great tool to have, especially if you have trouble editing on the GR-55 unit itself.

But the big question thrown up by the GR-55, or more specifically by Roland’s original promotional material, is whether you can throw away all your other effects units if you buy a GR-55? Well, you can certainly sell your GR-33 on eBay because this is the superior item on every level. But if you use a VG-99 for recording, then you might want to consider holding on to it because some of the COSM guitar modelling sounds OK, but nowhere near as rounded as the VG-99. Of course, hearing is subjective and you might think them acceptable. I can see the GR-55 being used by gigging players to replace racks of equipment as I think the pedal would be great in a live situation.

Overall, the GR-55 is a jump forward in the technology and a welcome addition to my sonic armoury. If you are considering purchasing one of these units then you I believe you won’t be disappointed. If you are looking for a cheaper option or your first foray into guitar synths, then check out eBay for all those GR-33s and GR-20s that are being offloaded by new GR-55 owners!

And here are three videos I’ve made to demonstrate the GR-55. I used my Godin Multiac ACS nylon string guitar to show how well the GR-55 tracks.


Roland GR-55 Piano Patch Demonstration


Roland GR-55 Flute Patch Demonstration


Roland GR-55 Patch Compilation

And here comes the self-publicity bit where I foolishly try to convince you to buy some of my music, much of it recorded using guitar synthesisers, funnily enough:

http://itunes.apple.com/gb/artist/darren-lock/id4151062

And here is a complete demo of the pre-programmed patches of the GR-55:

The End…?

Well I must have pissed someone off out there…
Not sure who I have annoyed, but it seems that from what I can gather my poor humble blog is being spambombed by miscreants unknown whose IP addresses are registered to China.
It started last month with some weird traffic, then there were the numerous spam comment messages to my blog. I installed a “call and response” code to my comment section but this seemed to accelerate the problem. Today, I got a message from my host telling me that the code on my website – the bit that handles the comments – was accessed so many times that it caused their server to crash, disrupting all the customer accounts being co-hosted on that server.
Looking at the logs, whoever these people are shifting gigabytes of data from my site and generally fucking things up for me. So far, the comments.cgi page has been accessed 130739 times these last eleven days and my archive pages have been accessed over 4000 times each. This is a massive spike in traffic.
Who knows? Maybe I am a big hit in China and my fans are clamouring for my songs? I doubt it. This is an all out attack and it looks like I might have to take this site down.
I am not being melodramatic. I am worried that my host will pull the plug on me if my site is that disruptive to their business. I am also worried that this excessive use of bandwidth might be charged for despite me being on an unlimited hosting account.
So if my website suddenly disappears, you know why. I’ve been hounded out of existence and there’s bugger all I can do about it.
I must admit I am feeling a bit sad because I’ve had a website on this domain for over a decade now (in various forms) and now it looks like it is coming to an end and there’s nothing I can do about it.

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