Category: Diary


TV means nothing

Nicked from the MediaGuardian website:

BBC staffer makes ‘Maguire’ exit
Jason Deans, broadcasting editor
Friday October 28, 2005
A BBC employee who left the corporation after he was discovered playing an “inappropriate” email game about his work colleagues signed off with a “Jerry Maguire-style” email to his bosses.
The BBC factual employee left after the emailed “shag, marry, or over a cliff”-style game was discovered by management. Following a disciplinary investigation other staff also received verbal warnings about the incident and the use of internal emails.
The researcher emailed his BBC bosses and the director general, Mark Thompson, to tell them television is “facile” and “full of silly programmes that mean nothing”.
The farewell email also criticised colleagues for having a “derogatory, condescending BBC-knows-all attitude” towards ordinary people who feature in their shows.
In his email, the researcher said TV was full of people who “really do get off on drinking Starbucks, talk about ‘being stressed’ and are happy to call sitting around a brightly coloured room work”.
Entitled, “A Jerry Maguire type of email”, the email also bemoaned the lack of mental stimulation and risk-taking in TV.
“I have had enough of television and not that it matters in this small and irrelevant way of me saying I’m off, but I find it all so facile,” he wrote.
“It costs around £10,000 to make around two minutes of television, which is verging on the vulgar itself, so how is it really that stressful? It really is not that big a deal.
“TV, it seems, is made up of people that really do get off on drinking Starbucks, talk about ‘being stressed’ and are happy to call sitting around a brightly coloured room work.
“We try to represent real life on screen everyday, but work on any production and just listen to the comments about the people we work with. Not in the building but the contributors that make up the content of our programmes. It is a derogatory, condescending BBC-knows-best-attitude that is 50 years out of date.
“Television by default is not real. It is a stage. A small part of our scheduling is real but it is, in reality made up of silly programmes that mean nothing. What happened to mental stimulation? What happened to taking a risk?”

That made me snigger. You have to be a certain kind of person to work for the BBC (or any large corporation or publisher for that matter). When I had a career, I had two interviews for different jobs at the BBC. The first was for a sub-editor on one of the BBC magazines and the preliminary interview involved a long and frightfully dull subbing test lasting over an hour and a half. As I finished my test, someone entered the room who appeared to be something big at the department. They immediately spotted one of the candidates in the room and said something like:
“Hello, Rupert! So glad you decided to apply for the position.”
At that point, I should have just tore up my test and walked out because it was obvious that Rupert was well known and it may have been an internal promotion dressed up as a “proper” interview. Or it might just have been that I was monumentally shit at being a sub and so I never got called back?
My second interview was a much more postive thing. The job was one that I really wanted, working as an editor/developer of the BBC’s interactive TV services. The interview went really well, I wasn’t nervous or fluffed anything up and at one point I thought the job was mine. In fact, I know the job was mine because they started talking money. The lady interviewing me suddenly became very apologetic and explained that to due to budget cuts the actual salary was very low. Again, she reiterated how important the job was and how I was right for it and how the rewards would outweigh the low salary. Unfortunately, I would have had to have taken a pay cut of several thousand pounds to accept the job and, I think you’ll agree, I’d have needed a labotomy to do so. At this time, we were looking to buy a property and we needed cash and I was imaging going home and telling the Missus that I had just taken a massive paycut to work for the BBC. She would have hit me around the head with a blunt object until my senses returned.
So after a few moments of consideration (and the thought of poverty) I retracted my application and effectively rejected the BBC. After that, I gave up ever getting a job at Auntie Beeb. Who knows? If I had taken the job, I might be one of those totally ineffective wankers pissing your licence fee up the wall!

For Rent

In an attempt to raise the bar and increase traffic to this blog, I have started to rent out advertising space via the Blogexplosion website. If you look at the right sidebar and scroll down to the middle, you will find a link to Spaghetti Harvest, a blog from an American mother with her own business. Why did I accept her offer for my advertising space? Well, she was vaguely normal for a start. The other applicants were either boasting about their sexuality, preaching about god or had a fascinating with the National Rifle Association and so were discounted. Click on the link and check her out. Every week I will be giving people the chance to advertise on that space, so keep an eye on it.
On a separate note, I realise I have reached a crucial point with “Dead Rock Star”. I am now at 10 chapters and 31,000+ words. I am approximately half-way through it and the old syndrome is kicking in. Do I stop and start writing something else or do I continue onwards into the word blizzard? Chapter ten was surprisingly tricky and it invovled the character Daniel De’Ath convincing his bandmates that the idea of a ghost writing lyrics for a new album would be a good marketing tool. There was a lot of dialogue and a lot of arguing and I am not sure if it worked yet. Still waiting for a report back from The Missus. I am now sitting here with the chapter “The Ghost of Abbey Road” staring blankly back at me. I know where I need to go with this, but I’ve forgotten the route. Do I feel lost? Yes! There’s no roadmap when you write a novel.

Indian Summer

For the record it is 27 October 2005 and me and the Missus have been walking around in our T-shirts. The weather is warm and sunny and dry. If this is the result of global warming, then so be it. So surprising has the change of climate been that we took a few snaps while walking Alex the Wonderdog to capture the day.

View from the hill

Using a biscuit as a bribe

Me & the Dude – nice hat!

Biscuit hunting…
Meanwhile, back home the shredder is a big success!

In the loop

While the Missus was out at a swanky press junket at the Tower of London, looking at the Crown Jewels (insert joke about my privates here), I found myself noodling at the various instruments in my “studio”. Whenever I listen to ambient music like the recent Fripp soundscapes CD, I often blow the dust off my looping device and decide to capture a feeling in the same vein.
The idea was simple last night. Set up a short loop of around 30 seconds and just noodle with a piano patch. The initial results were completely wrong, too busy and just awful. There was no spirit in the recording. There can be a number of aims when producing ambient music and in this instance I was interesting in building up single notes to produce patterns, random tunes. I wasn’t interested in musicality as such (because I never am and I don’t profess to actually know anything about music itself) but more interested in creating something simple out of a handful of notes. This next piece is the result of that. It’s working title is “Pianoscape 2” but it could easily be titled something evocative as “Still Crane Lake” or “The Widow’s Memories”.


An example of a pianoscape

I recorded a number of these short pieces last night, jumping from instrument to instrument. I have a really interesting acoustic guitar piece that came out of it, but I need to fine tune it and record it again because I was getting tired and my fingers started to misbehave. I think that if I can produce enough “pure” ideas for this, I might even have a quick CD out of this. But I just love the idea of using loops in this abstract way. It is almost like subconscious music making and when I play back am started by the results.
In the post: Phil Manzanera – 50 Minutes Later. I have a quick listen to this and it begins well before a succession of slow, dreamy songs make you feel like your wading through treacle…in a good way. A proper review soon.
Just arrived: the shredder. Oh yeah, baby! I am gonna have some fun shredding today. I am going to see if I can shred a T-shirt with this thing. Oh yeah…

Depression Dream

Quick entry before I forget it. I hate remembering dreams at the best of times, but I had a really heavy sleep last night and my dreaming was depressing to say the least. It concerned euthanasing a dog. I am not sure if the dog was meant to be Alex or not, but the dream was filled with misery, upset and grief: all the emotions that go hand in hand with loss. When I woke, the dream and the feelings were still with me and I’m still feeling a bit upset by the dream.
Pull yourself together man, you big pansy!

Mr Ralph Idoko has been in touch

Woah! Apparently there’s some mystery surrounding the recent death of the wife of the Nigerian President. Mr Ralph Idoko wants to fill me in with the details if I contact him. Should I? Should?
Here’s the email:

Dear Sir/Madam
I am Mr.Ralph idoko The very close Aid to wife of nigerain president who died on sunday 23 october 2005 shotly After she undergoing surgery in spanish hospital
The storry behind the death of The Nigerian first lady Stella Olusegun Obasanjo is yet made known to the puplic because of the sin behind it. But right now, If you can assure me that no one will know about this sin behind it i am ready to tell you the full storry.Because right now am scared of whom am contacting.
If you are interested to hear me out.Please feel free to contact me on the above Email address as am still in Spain. I have less than 14 days to fly back to nigeria.
What I really need is your trust, honest ,and Confidential so that I will Tell you the full storry of her death and the opportunity her death has create to me as her very close Aids.
Please our correspondence should be on email only. for confidential reasons.Once i hear from you i will give you a telephone number to reach me here in spain.Please is very Urgent. Ralphidoko@excite.com
Thanks
Mr ralph idoko

Remember kids, never trust emails from friendly Nigerians, no matter how friendly they appear to be!

Curse of the Shredder

A while ago we decided to invest in a shredder. This was as a result of all those scare stories going around telling us how easy it is for identity theft to occur and so we could shred all our sensitive information into homemade confetti. Our first shredder stopped working after 10 minutes of use. I got the blame for the malfunction. I had been cramming too much paper into the shredder with gay abandon and boyish excitement. Not true, I protest, but the Missus is insistent that I knackered the shredder. So we returned the faulty item and got a replacement. Lo and behold this unit did the same thing and burnt-out in about 10 minutes. Proving my innocence, I did a little victory dance until the Missus had apologised for the slur on my character.
Anyway, the upshot of this was that I ordered a new shredder at the weekend. In fact, in the same order I’d ordered some padded envelopes to ship off all the DVDs I sold on eBay recently. Well today the delivery man arrived with the order and there were my envelopes, but duh…duh…duh…there was NO SHREDDER. The curse of the shredder has struck again. Three times we’ve been denied a shredder…three times the curse has struck. How can we break the spell? How can we end this nightmare. Hopefully the shredder will arrive tomorrow.
In the post: KTU – 8 Armed Monkey purchased from Riverman. Thanks, Geno!

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