That title made you look, didn’t it? No, no, dear reader. I am not going regale you with tales of my younger days as pornographer. Those stories are between me and my lawyer. But despite the headline being salacious, I have a story that fits it quite nicely.
In the thrusting, pumping world of newspaper delivery, one has to keep an eye on your customers. It is a sales technique based solely on trust, in that you give (and I really mean do “give”) them them the product and they pay some weeks later. It’s a bit like ordering a sofa from DFS and paying them when you felt like it.
However, some folks don’t like paying their bills. No, siree. They just disappear and ignore the fact that they owe you a some of money for product that’s been delivered. It’s worse than musicians whinging about illegal music downloading, it is a theft that actually happens!
Well being a studious and anal cunt, I keep lists of people who have defaulted – and believe me there have been many – and I am very careful to monitor addresses and names and numbers etc. Yesterday, a lady came in and wanted a newspaper delivery started. However, being a strictly “hands off” businessman these days, it wasn’t until I was doing the paperwork and maintaining our daily database of deliveries that I noticed the name.
This person had stuffed me for £50+ in 2008 – had basically ignored all the bills I sent her and then disappeared. But she hadn’t, she has just moved to another property in the village and two years later wanders in hoping that we might have forgotten. She got a letter this morning explaining exactly why I won’t start delivering to her (pay us the cash, buster!).
But it transpires that this person is a “semi-regular” customer and is well-known to my staff. So all the time this person has been coming into the shop, despite knowing that she owes us money. I cannot believe the brass neck of these people.
To bring this story back to its natural conclusion, this lady is a well-known porn star and has appeared in the usual rags as well as Playboy. But while she finds it no problem sharing her gynaecalogical details with the world and his wife, she cannot find it in her being to pay her debts.
Well that’s another story for the book.
(PS – If anyone wants her name, address, telephone number – it will cost you £50 – enough to clear her debt!)
(PPS – I was joking about the PS – I might be bad, but I am not evil.)
(PPPS – I think that title is going to sent the Googlebots into meltdown – I can imagine lots of traffic from men with their trousers around their ankles and one hand off the keyboard!)

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