I am not a fan of Michael Jackson. I do not like Michael Jackson’s music. The face of Michael Jackson scares me and haunts my nightmares. Thankfully, this troubled soul has found peace, but we all know he’s going to that place where all the naughty little boys go to. Of course, my happiest memory of the white-gloved wonder is the time that the mighty Jarvis Cocker struck a pose for sensibility and wiggled his bottom whilst Jacko was pretending to be the New Messiah.

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