My life is pretty mundane. However, this week the saga of the envelopes has been thoroughly gripping. After mistakenly receiving an office whiteboard, my envelopes duly arrived yesterday. It was a box of H5 sized envelopes. Great, I think. I open the box, take out a new envelope and try it for size. Yes, yes, yes. The folders fit nicely inside the envelope. Well done, Darren, for making another excellent choice.
At about 18.30 (or half past six) I got a phonecall. It went something like this:
John the Delivery Man: Hello. It’s John the delivery man.
Me: Hello
JTDM: I made a mistake with your order.
Me: I know. I received a whiteboard.
JTDM: Did you?
Me: Yes. The other day. You delivered a whiteboard instead of some envelopes. But the people at the office depot said I could keep the whiteboard for my troubles.
JTDM: Oh. Anyway, those envelopes for you. They are the wrong ones. Could you check the label. They are addressed for Something Something Lane.
Me: OK. I’ll check
I run off downstairs to the cupboard where I keep my stationary in the vast Complex Lock HQ and check the address. Indeed it is address to Something Something Lane rather than Darren Lock Mega Industries Incorporated.
Me: Yes. The address is wrong. I opened the box but didn’t use any envelopes. I’ll seal it up again.
JTDM: OK. I’ll be over tomorrow to collect them and swap them with your box.
So I am a little put out, but it’s not the end of the world. So today, after coming back from lunchtime walk with Alex the Wonderdog and the Missus, I see a familiar white van zooming off into the distance. Bugger, I think. I’ve missed the delivery driver, but when I get to the doorstep I see a box of envelopes.
Further investigation reveals that these are my envelopes. Same size, same quantity, the only difference is that the wrong envelopes are white and the right envelopes are buff. (Are you following this?) So anyway, now I have 100 fricking H5 sized envelopes when I only wanted a dozen or so in the first place and a whiteboard that I didn’t need at all. Just think, at the beginning of the week I had a deficit of H5 envelopes and whiteboards and now I have a surplus.
Last night: The Missus went out for some Xmas boozefest. Despite my warnings, she fell asleep on the train and woke up at Epping, leaving myself and Alex the Wonderdog shivering outside Debden station for half an hour. Brrr…
Walked the old lush home and put her to bed, then the evening was topped off by me emptying the sick bucket. Oh well, she’s been there for me during my glory years.

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