I’m a man. I am a big, fat hairy-arsed man. A big, fat, hairy-arsed, dick-swinging, ball-scratching, beer-quaffing man. However, this does not mean I am great at manly occupations like D.I.Y. I mostly blunder through and bodge my way to approval from The Missus. Last year’s redecoration of the bedroom is now legend – the results still cause a little flutter of pride in my chest whenever the golden rays of dawn pass over my eyes and cause me to rise from my slumber. I am also intensely proud of my recent tiling around the kitchen sink which is almost up there with the Sistine Chapel in terms of beauty and magnificence.
Today, I begun the project of redecorating our tiny bathroom. Ceiling painted with no major disasters – check. Removing paint from around the tiling surrounding the bath – check. However, I was using some major paint removing chemical. Let me tell you, this stuff really burns your hands and the skin on your arms – ouch! So I sat on the edge of the bath, my feet in the bath and painted the paint removing chemical around the tiles. I was entranced by the sight of the old paint blistering and lifting off, you could hear the paint and chemical fizzing and reacting against each other. It appealed to the seven year old in me that used to play with that chemistry set I got for Xmas one year (you remember, the one where you broke the test tube and hide it from your Mum in case she went ballistic).
When I went to move there was an unfamiliar “SHHLOOOIP!” noise as I lifted my foot away from the bath. A blob of paint remover had dropped in the bath, reacted with the rubber sole of my trainer and left a black chemical splodge at the bottom of the bath. The soles of both trainers were melting. Oh well, at least I didn’t break anything, but I still feel very giddy after inhaling all those lovely chemical fumes. I hadn’t felt this out of it since the neighbours tried to poison me! Tomorrow, I shall be mainly painting woodwork, regrouting tiles and painting those too. Ooooh, I can’t wait.
In the post: ProjeKct Three in Alexandria 03-03-03, which is King Crimson without Adrian Belew. I must say I have really enjoyed this release and have been playing it in heavy rotation. It certainly makes a change from hearing “Elephant Talk” or “Easy Money” for quadzillionth time.

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