Today I went to the opticians for an eye-check. It was all the idea of The Missus. It had been three years since my last eye check so I reckoned it was a good time to find out just how badly my eyesight had failed. Despite impressing Mr Hui (the optometrist) with my recognition of the bottom line on the chart, my eyes required some glasses for when I am out walking the dog.
“Despite your long vision being impaired slightly” said Mr Hui, “Your close vision is excellent.”
Great.
“However, I noticed that there were crystals growing in your eyes,” he began.
“Crystals, eh?” thought me, “That sounds exotic.”
“Yes, these crystals are caused by calcium deposits,” he continued, “Nothing to worry about really.”
“That’s good,” thought I, “I like not worrying.”
“However,” he began again, “These crystals are a precursor to glaucoma.”
“Oh boy,” thinks me, “This is is bad.”
“But this is nothing to worry about,” he says, before pausing, then adds, “Mind you, for someone as young as you to develop crystals in your eyes is very unusual. You had better return in 12 months for another checkup.”
This did not make me feel very good at all. The worst of it was that the combined cost of my and The Missus new glasses (because we are both speccy gits from this day on) was £261. OUCH! That hurt. Handing over that kind of cash was very upsetting. I almost wanted to cry.
Oh well, I collect my new glasses in 5 days time. Who knows when the glaucoma will take hold and render me completely blind, eh? Mustn’t grumble…
Afterwards, we went to the pub and had a few drinks. As I said to The Missus, the only kind of blind I want to be is blind drunk. The pub had no baguettes (a good thing) and so they actually had to make us a sausage sandwich. Hurrah!

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