“Merry Xmas, Mr Lock,” says the Inland Revenue, “Here’s your present from us…a nice tax demand to be paid by 31 January 2005”.
Bah, humbug!
Yesterday, I had the misfortune to witness the worst Christmas dinner ever served. As a treat, we took the Missus’s grandmother out for Christmas lunch at our local. I had the sense to refrain from the seasonal menu as I had already turkey last week. The food was luke-warm, the vegetable raw and the parsnips incinerated.
“Maybe they will redeem themselves with the dessert,” suggested I.
The Christmas pudding was then served COLD, rock-hard and with a miserly dollop of piss-weak, luke-warm custard. I took one mouthful and pushed my bowl away. The rest of the party followed suite. The serving staff must have heard our loud remonstrations as they promptly disappeared from view. We wanted to air our greivances as we left, but – surprise, surprise – all the staff were AWOL. So if you want a REALLY FUCKING AWFUL Christmas dinner, pay a visit to the Plume of Feathers pub in Loughton. They are charging something like £50 for that uncooked slop on 25 December, so be sure to book ahead.
Now it looks as if I will need to find a new local! 🙁

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