June 2005 Archives

A second night of horrible disjointed sleep. It seems that some hoody-wearing, ASBO-flouting yobbo is taking great delight at using the neighbouring roads as a racetrack in the early hours of the morning. Now this is not London, this is not Downtown LA, this is sleepy old Loughton, where the roads were built in the early 1950s when it was thought that cars would be a fad. Our roads are roughly the width of one and a half cars. Our road is particularly small because there are no houses opposite us, just open green space. At 1.40am, the first lap began and the car tore down the avenue at what sounded like 60/70 miles an hour. The vibration was enough to make The Missus's car alarm go off. This was repeated at 2.55am and the car alarm went off again. At 3.55am, he came back again and I sat up bolt upright as someone does when they've been woken suddenly, my heart beating fast in my chest. Luckily, no car alarm was triggered but this driver was tearing down the street.

I am curious to know who it is and I am considering setting up my video camera just to see if it is someone local to us. This is the second night in succession that this has happened and the guy is only moments away from having a serious crash. And knowing our luck, it will be The Missus's car he crashes into.

What I love about Alex the Wonderdog, guard dog supreme, furry outrider of doom, is that whenever this car goes past or our car alarm goes off, he remains motionless in his bed...asleep in his slumbers, neither disturbed or concerned about the noise. But then give him a barely audible thunderclap in the distance that only HE can hear and he's jumping up on the bed for cuddles. That boy needs to get with the programme... :-)

My god, wasn't Glastonbury boring this year? I always tune into the coverage and enjoy a mix of old and new talent, but this year it was crap. I am sooo sick of four-piece guitar bands who think it is 1979 and have nicked all the spikey riffs from XTC. I am sick of the DJs who play records, wave their arms above their heads and then collect their cheque. I am sick of the dance bands who perform solely to a backing track. I am sick of the drug-addled, pathetic snotstain that is Pete Doherty pretending he is street. The sooner that piece of human waste flushes himself away on the end of a dirty needle, the better. Frankly, the quality of music and performance was the pits. There were no great headliners there - even an appearance from clodmeisters like Oasis would have lifted spirits. It came to something that the most enjoyable group on their was Coldplay, a band so bland that I have to pinch myself everytime their records come on. I was almost enjoying their set until Chris Martin called me a knobhead through the TV screen for being cynical about Live8. Hey, it's called democracy and free speech, buddy. Go liberate some of those poor people you bleat on about and give them the choice of free speech too (without being fed feet first into the woodchipper). Just think, if he had kept his mouth shut, I might have been convinced by him and his cronies that Live8 was a good thing. But now I am with Noel and Damon on this one...wow, those are unlikely bedfellows, ain't they?

The most endearing performance was The White Stripes. I said to The Missus, "You've got to see this." And we watched as those two muppets howled their way through a set. On Meg White's drumming, the Missus commented: "It's like me up there. It's like someone has said: 'We need someone to play drums at Glastonbury and you'll do. Just try and keep the beat going'". Indeed, it was the most amateurish performance I had ever seen. How the fuck these people make a career out of music, I do not know, but the kids eat this shit up because it is "trendy" it is "retro" it is "American". No, it is tuneless pap. Try getting the drummer to a fricking drumroll...it ain't gonna happen, baby.

The rest of the weekend I've been doing some DIY around the house. Armed with a paintbrush and some white paint I have been destroying the scourge of the universe. You probably think that the universal colour for depression and misery is black, but you are wrong. It is a light shitty brown. How do I know? Because the previous owners of Chez Lock painted the doors and wainscotting a light shade of diarrhea. You know, that kind of excretion that comes after a dodgy meal out or that burger you bought from that stall at 2am in the morning after too much to drink. Yes, that kind of diarrhea brown. Anyway, it's going, going, gone. Darren and his magic paintbrush is setting to work. I could get used to this.

In the post: junk mail.

What's been going on? Not a lot. It's been hot and a little bit unpleasant at Chez Lock. While I like the warm weather, the muggy evenings are a drag and it is hard to get a decent night's sleep.

The recent idea bugging me is playing live. I have about 30+ minutes of material that I can play to my own satisfaction, but I am wondering who would want to hear a fourth-rate guitarist playing over his own backing? You see, I've made up some backing tracks with the main solos stripped out so I can play along. This seems a bit of a swizz to me, but how else can I play without a proper band behind me (and I am too long in the tooth to mess around with bands. I want to play my music my way and without having to worry whether or not the drummer is going to turn up sober).

So this is it. Here are two tracks I've worked on. I'm presented the solos stripped out version, so you can hear them "naked" and the "live" version with me noodling over the top. If my solitary reader enjoys this, let me know because I am in the dark here without feedback.

Or am I just wasting my time???

In the post: claim form to claim back the £94 MemoryStick that the Royal Mail lost.

Well the warm weather arrived and we spent the day walking into town and then having a few drinks at our local. Didn't want to stay out too late because of missing the final Dr Who episode. Got home early, both had a little siesta and then woke to find that we'd missed the final Dr Who episode! Whoops... No problem, we caught the repeat showing on BBC3. It was great stuff. Really sad to see Eccleston go because I thought he was EXACTLY what the series needed. Don't think David Tennant is the right guy (in my head it should be Sean Pertwee - making a nice bit of continuity with the past) but I'll be cheering from the sofa when the series returns at Xmas.

In the post on Saturday: the recent Van der Graaf remasters. Ordered these ages ago and they took forever to turn up. Not bad.

The local guitar shop was closing down and I had a dream relating to this. In my dream, I saw a horrible guitar (similar to a Yamaha invisible guitar design) with nylon strings, but I bought it. They wouldn't accept cash and I had to use my credit card. Of course, this was a dream and it would have been interesting to see if such an ugly guitar was actually for sale.

On Sunday, pottered around. Too hot to do anything else. Played some Internet poker in the garden and had a little win.

Today, the mugginess continues and some very loud thunder means that Alex the Wonderdog has been glued to my side. Got work to be doing but it is too icky to get behind it. Oh well, any excuse. :-) Wonder if Wimbledon will get rained off. I predicted it would last week as it always seems to get rained off on the first day.

In the post: Laurie Anderson - Video Collection. Managed to find a proper copy of this VHS release from the early 1990s. Never seen it before and it was a real thrill to seem some of these promos. Can you believe it, it was the first time I had ever seen the promo to O Superman.

Ever wanted to know what it's like to sleep with Angelina Jolie? Billy Bob reveals all here. If you want to get the same effect at home, just get jiggy with the furniture. Personally, I've always thought Ms Jolie needs to be dipped in disinfectant, if you ask me. But then no-one did. :-)

In the post: a Gordon Haskell DVD. Don't ask. I bought it on a whim.

Apparently, it's going to be a scorcher this weekend. Can't wait. I say bring it on, Mr Sunshine.

Now for some sad news. It's been drawn to my attention that a company that I used to work for has ceased trading. I spent 5 years working for Intelfax and I had a pretty good time there. But like all things, I could see the end was near, but I didn't realise it was that near. I have visions of Bill Skirrow releasing all those startled and frightened subtitlers back into the wild, with them scurrying, bleary-eyed over Westminster Bridge to freedom. Good luck all those who were there at the end. It was kind of fun watching those marathon sessions of The Simpsons I provided when I hooked up my own video to the TV distribution system in our office. Fun times.

Yesterday, I managed to fall asleep at my keyboard while actually writing an article. My god, if my writing has that effect on me what does it do to the poor reader? When I awoke, Alex was lying at my feet.

Today, been trying to avoid reading spoilers to the final Dr Who episode, but I just can't help myself. The Sun newspaper had a picture of the Emperor Dalek. It looks suitably big and scary. I can't wait for Saturday night.

In the post: a box of 100 blank printable CD-Rs for the production of more Sows' Ears. We sold out again last week and I need to get some more together. Very popular. Don't think I am making any money from this: the postage to America wipes out any profit and I am just about breaking even.

The saga of my broken SanDisk 1Gb memory card continues. The last episode concluded with me discovering that I needed to return the item to the UK distributor for a replacement. I duly packaged it up and sent it by Special Delivery to the address provided. Only it isn't as easy as that. Now it seems that my packet made it all the way to the Reading mail office but somehow disappeared there. Where did it go? So now I have no chance of getting a replacement item and I have a battle on my hands to get the Royal Mail to issue me with a refund for an item it lost. Hurrah! I wouldn't mind, but that memory card was very expensive and I'd used my remaining spending money from PayPal to pay for it (when I could have used that cash to buy CDs on eBay).

Moan, moan, moan, moan, moan... :-)

Meanwhile, the wonderful Sun newspaper website has a wonderful article encouraging people to do the housework in the buff. Of course, they use a suitably endowed lady to emphasis the erotic qualities of doing the ironing:

Somehow, I don't think a picture of me in my birthday suit, ironing my underpants, would have had the same effect! C'mon The Sun, what about equality, eh?

Yesterday, two fellows from separate companies arrived to look at the house and prepare a quote for the work on Chez Lock. One of them advised us that the work would be "very expensive". This is worrying as we only have a limited budget. We've asked for two quotes to be drawn up from each company, one of the quotes is for the cheapest option.

In the post: paperwork from the bank.

Still feeling listless and over-tired. Keep nodding off at the keyboard and if I have a lie-down on the bed, I fall asleep almost instantly. The Missus thinks that I need to get out of the house more. Well I would if Alex the Wonderdog would actually want to come walkies with me. Most people take their dogs for a walk, I take my dog for a drag. Sometimes it gets quite embarrassing, especially when we pass a bus stop full of people and the little sod puts the brakes on. Oh well, I've always got to look the total shit, so deal with it.

Here's a pic of Alex posing with my bass:

He looks so innocent doesn't he? But he has a plan...

Interesting piece about the Pink Floyd reunion:

http://enjoyment.independent.co.uk/music/features/story.jsp?story=646855

Some advice often given when attending an interview or delivering a presentation is to imagine your interviewer/audience naked. It seems that this fellow got it the completely wrong way around!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/4091636.stm

So anyway, the Locks are planning an expansion at Chez Lock and we wanted to get some work done on the house. The Missus duly did her research and called four builders who advertise to do the kind of work we wanted done.

The first appointment was for Friday evening at 6.30pm. At 6.10pm, I received a call from the woman who was going to survey our house and draw up the quote. She wasn't feeling very well and couldn't make it. Could we reschedule? I was pretty annoyed at this because I had tidied up and the Missus had left work extra early to be here. I made some quip about "must be a good party you are going to...and well it is a Friday night we all like to get drunk on a Friday, no?" and sent her on her way.

On Monday, the second company was due to call at 7.00pm. Of course, they never bothered to turn up or even call to announce the fact that they couldn't be bothered to turn up.

The third company didn't bother to return our calls - so that's another no show.

Our fourth choice is due to arrive tonight. However, at 9.30am, after walking Alex the Wonderdog, I noticed a message on the answer machine. It was from the fourth choice informing a "Mr Ford" that last night's survey had been successful and that the quote was in the post for him to sign. What the heck was that all about???

Without sounding too much like Alan Partridge: "This country!"

Maybe I am turning into a hypochondriac, but there's something not right with me at the moment. Take yesterday, for example, I felt totally exhausted. After doing some minor chores (vacuuming the house), I felt totally cream-crackered. In the afternoon, I decided to work on some mixes of my music, but felt asleep at the keyboard. The Missus woke me and when I tried playing some guitar/bass, I just couldn't focus my mind, I couldn't get my fingers to work in synch with each other. I felt like I was going to just shut-down. Not a good feeling.

So I had a nap. I only felt better when I took the dog for a walk that evening. I think it was the fresh air that did it. Today, I am feeling a little bit more peppy, but I am wondering if this some sort of after-effect of the really bad sore throat I had last week. You know, sometimes after you've had a cold, the illness kind of slows you down. Maybe I just need some sunshine? Yup - that's it. Bring on the sun... (What am I saying? This is England, you fool)

In the post: junk mail

Waiting on some eBay goodies to arrive, though the way the post is to and from the US, it could be some weeks before I get them.

It appears that hell has frozen over and Pink Floyd are to appear at the Live 8 concert with Roger Waters in tow. This rumour has been doing the rounds for months now, but if it is on the BBC news website it HAS to be true, right? ;-)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/music/4085484.stm

What next? King Crimson to play London? :-)

Like most fans, I've been looking forward to the next Brian Eno "vocal" album for quite a while. "Another Day on Earth" is his first proper vocal album since "Nerve Net" from 1992 and it kicks off with the sublime "This". Now I love this kind of Eno treatment, a good percussion track, a thoughtful lyric and a guitar solo that comes from the Heavens. The only problem is that "This" could have easily come from "Wrong Way Up" and sounds so much like the co-writes he's done for U2 and James. I still like the track loads, but it sounds dated and, frankly, old. And that's the problem with the rest of the album.

Whereas "Nerve Net" had me asked "What was that?" when I first heard it, this CD leaves me asking "Why?". It is an exercise in familiarity and nostalgia, with dancing percussion, ethereal vocals and those ambient keyboard sounds that are synonymous with Eno. "And Then So Clear" features a throbbing, pulse-like bass drum and Eno burbling along with a distorted vocal. It's pleasant enough. And that's the problem...it's all too pleasant. After this track, "A Long Way Down" sounds like an off-cut from the U2/Eno cross-over record "Passengers" but isn't as nearly as creative or interesting.

More old ground is visited with "Going Unconcious" which sounds like it could have been lifted directly from the "Drawn from Life" album. It's suitably ambient and transporting, but it evaporates just before you get to your destination. The rest of the tracks plod along, going at the same pace, it's like one giant vanilla ice-cream of sound. Thick, comforting, but ultimately unrewarding. Where are the sprinkles? Where's the flake? Where's the nuts and juice?

"Just Another Day" manages to lift the pace somewhat and is probably the second best song from the album. It's got a beat. Yes, it actually has a noticeable drum loop. Hurrah! You could call it the title track of the album because the lyric is "It's just another day on Earth". More Eno recycling happens with "Under", a song that was meant to be on the "My Squelchy Life" album that got transmogrified into "Nerve Net". This track has been around since 1992 and appears on the Eno Vocal Box Set from that time. I find it's inclusion here a bit strange. Yes, it is a great song, but surely this is a bonus track, not a fully-fledged album track that every Eno fan is familiar with? Oh well, that's Eno's decision, not mine. The last track "Bone Bomb" is probably the most interesting track of the album in terms of texture, but it relies on sampled vocals that instantly remind you of Laurie Anderson's "O Superman" - but that makes it sound dated. If you can get over the 1980s sound, it is an intereting little number and owes a lot to the experimental, cut-up vocal sound Eno used on "Nerve Net".

"Another Day on Earth" is a curate's egg. Parts of it feel right, but much of it feels wrong for me. In parts, it is too slow, too familiar, too repetitive. Most of the album sounds incredibly dated and this album proves that Eno works best when he has other musicians to spark off from. There's nothing like that here. There are no moments of jaw-dropping beauty or heart-stopping excitement. It's almost like Eno tried to make an ambient album with vocals. It's certainly good listening to it in the bath, but standing it against his other releases it is an empty shell compared to "Nerve Net" which really made me question modern music when it came out or "Another Green World" which is a work of genius.

I guess the problem is that I expected too much. But saying that, at least it got me listening to "Drawn From Life", which is a much more fulfilling work in my opinion. Nice try, Brian, but this CD lacks the quirky imagination of your previous works. Must do better...

In the post: Another Day on Earth - Brian Eno

I was very excited when i heard this drop through the letterbox this morning, so much so that I leapt out of bed and immediately played it. After 46 minutes, it was all over. The jury is out. I am not convinced. Review to follow...

I'm with Damon on this one. I've been thinking about the Live 8 concerts taking place next month and I still can't get behind them. When I was young, Band Aid and Live Aid was exciting. We all felt we were doing something, but this time around it all feels wrong. When you look at the usual parade of stars lining up for these concerts, if they all had a whipround, they could probably buy Africa. But this time it's about the G8 conference. Hmmm...

I don't get it. Even if we drop the debt and pump in the money, nothing will change. Why? Because of power and corruption, that's why. It's the same reason why all the millions that were raised from Live Aid and Comic Relief have left some areas untouched. If Bob said he wanted me to lend him a tenner so that he could raise a guerilla army and depose these despots that are killing and holding back these African countries, I would happily hand over my cash. Instead, we have that grinning Irish gimp, Bono, pontificating again...remember, this is the guy that spent £5,000 to get his beloved hat flown to him to a concert in Italy.

Live 8 makes Africa sound a lot worse than it actually is. Many African states are doing very well from themselves and this media marginalisation by the bleeding hearts actually upsets some African people. I saw one pundit from Africa on the news complaining that he is tired of being portrayed that he's from a backwards, third world country. Granted, some areas are still impoverished, but this is mainly down to corrupt regimes, not famine or natural disasters. There's a bigger humanitarian problem posed by AIDs in Africa and Bob and his pals should be concentrating on this and getting those stupid Catholics to stop preaching their dogma...oh wait a minute, Bob and Bono are good, god-fearing, Oirish boys...

Meanwhile, I am sure that all the stars involved in this will all get a big payrise on the back of the media frenzy. Cynical, moi? You betcha cotton socks I am...

The throat is still sore, but not as sore as it was the other day. Hurrah! Maybe the illness is subsiding.

In the post: more crap from eBay. This time it's a promo only CD which features a remix of the Penguin Cafe Orchestra's "Telephone & Rubber Band". The accompanying PR blurb says the tune was used for a Mercury One-to-One advertising campaign in 2000. The remix itself is utter toss, but it only cost me 30p on eBay and it makes me happy to moan about such crimes against music. And now you must suffer...here it is: Telephone & Rubber Band [Pop-Tastic Remix]

Still got a sore throat. If I open my mouth wide enough and get the right about of light behind me, I can use the mirror to see yellow pustules on the back of my throat. YUCK! The funny thing is that apart from the sore throat, I am feeling OK. Normally, there's some kind of cold symptoms or running nose, right? I keep popping pills and gargling with soluble disprin, but nothing is shifting it. I was thinking that maybe a trip to the pub might kill off the bugs!

In the post: junk mail...boring!

Being a bit of an anal retentive, I like to check out whose been coming to my site. Recently, there's been loads of people searching Google Images for Nookie Bear. And I mean loads...at least a dozen. What's the fascinating with Nookie Bear all of a sudden? Maybe he's staging a revival that I don't know about. (For those who don't know, Nookie Bear is a ventriloquist's dummy who was popular in the late 1970s/early 1980s with his controller Roger de Courcey).

Another popular search term that brings people here is "ashbory". For those who don't know, these people are looking for sound samples/information about the Ashbory bass guitar. The unique thing about the Ashbory is that it is about half the size of a regular bass guitar, is fretless and uses silicon rubber strings. I bought one in LA for my 30th birthday and it is information buried on the site somewhere that is cropping up in Google. I am putting together a dedicated page to my Ashbory bass and it will be here: http://www.darrenlock.com/ashborybass.htm. I've taken some pictures and put some sound samples together and so hopefully it will answer some questions for those who want to know more.

And why-o-why have over 35 people from the www.scissorsisters.com website been coming to this address? What's that all about? If someone could tell me, I would be grateful. The internet is a funny old place, innit?

Yesterday, I pre-ordered the new Brian Eno album "Another Day on Earth" and purchased the internet single "This" for £1. I am really looking forward to this record and I am going to share "This" with you now on the condition that you go and pre-order a copy from www.enoshop.co.uk

So far, 2005 has been quite a year for music. :-)

I was going through some of the folders on my PC and I discovered a folder full of unfinished tracks that were languishing all alone. The great thing about not being a professional musician is that you can publish your mistakes and people will say: "Aaaah, at least he's trying!".

http://www.darrenlock.com/media/acoustidoodle.mp3
This is an acoustic doodle for my abandoned CD of acoustic tracks that never happened. It ended up sounding too much like Hotel California for my liking!

http://www.darrenlock.com/media/acoustirumble.mp3
This is another acoustic track for my abandoned CD of acoustic tracks that never happened. It's quite loud and intense and I quite like it. Unfortunately, where would you put this on a CD?

http://www.darrenlock.com/media/bassdoodle.mp3
Ex-recording chum Andrew challenged me to produce an instrumental track that was all bass. This is it. Sounds a bit too much like Tony Levin for my liking. No use for it anywhere else.

http://www.darrenlock.com/media/cave.mp3
Not sure what this was all about.

http://www.darrenlock.com/media/delaydoodle.mp3
And then it all went like U2 trapped in a drum machine. What the f*ck was I thinking?

http://www.darrenlock.com/media/irondoodle.mp3
Quite like the atmosphere on this one, but what to do with it? So it never got used or finished.

The sky is grey and I am wearing my jumper...so it must be June! Fear, pain, suffering...I have a sore throat and I am feeling sorry for myself. Too bad...that's what I get for kissing the wrong girls, eh?

In the post: nothing.

At the weekend, The Missus bought me a pedometer for £2. It can tell me just how far I've walked and how many calories I've burnt off. The only problem with it is a design flaw that means the battery cover can open with little user interaction and reset the stats. This isn't good, especially if you've been wearing it all day!

In my attempt to do things I wouldn't normally do, we've been talking about buying a bike. Now I cannot actually ride a bike. I know, it is shameful, but when I was a kid I mangled many a friend's bicycle with my lop-sided riding and so therefore never actually managed to learn properly. When they saw me coming, they would hide their bikes! I don't particularly want to learn to drive, so learning to ride a bike is another way of being more active. Buying a dog was meant to be a path to extra activity, but I ended up getting a four-legged friend whose idea of a good time is snoring his way through the day on the sofa. So yeah, a bike = a fit and active Darren. But which one to buy and will I be able to remain upright?

Recently, went to the cinema and saw "The League of Gentlemen's Apocalypse". I am a big fan of the LoG TV series and was looking forward to the film. Unfortunately, it was a bit of a disappointment. Yeah, it would have made a great TV-movie, but as a big screen outing, like all TV crossovers, it was a bit poor, especially the sections featuring the LoG's "new" series "The King's Evil". This was woeful. But for £3 I was entertained for 90 minutes.

In the post: Steve Hackett's Live Archive 05. This is great, it is a recording of SH's April show at the QEH - the review of mine is on the site under "April". The recording is fantastic and it is a reminder of just how good those concerts were. If you couldn't make it or just want a document of the night, I thoroughly recommend this CD. Superb!

Meanwhile, the company that supplied me with the faulty memory card won't answer my emails for a refund/replacement. I've been emailing them since Thursday and I've not even got an apology from them. Soooo...in the interest in warning other wary Internet shoppers who might be searching for reviews for this company, I would advise that you do not buy anything from The Computer Webstore of Liverpool. The customer service leaves a lot to be required. It's a shame they don't have a phone number on their website as I would be on the blower to them by now. I don't want to return the item just in case I end up with NOTHING. On Monday, I am going to give SanDisk a call and see if I can get a replacement direct from them. It says that all their products come with a five-year warranty. So let's hope this works out!

Nearly forgot...here's the "Top 20 List of Search Terms Used to Get to My Website for May 2005":

1 darren lock
2 darren cable saxophone
3 darren's new single 2005
4 female saxophonists
5 review van der graaf generator royal festival hall
6 wreckless eric bungalow hi
7 www.rael arced game.com
8 ashbory electric space guitar
9 awkward blowjob blog
10 cottaging blog
11 darren
12 darren lee blog
13 emerson lake
14 emerson lake palmer beyond the beginning missing
15 every bloody emperor
16 export mp3 minidisc
17 it's only seven days queen
18 laurie anderson barbican 2005 review
19 laurie anderson the end of the moon review
20 musical box lamb live genesis

As you can see, there's some interesting entries there. Good to see that VDGG and Laurie Anderson makes an appearance. Still a bit disturbed by the cottaging and blowjob searches. Damn, now I've typed those words again, I guess that will drag more pervs back to the site. What a messy, dirty business that would be. Hmmm...can you see what I've just done. If someone types in "messy dirty blowjob" it'll lead them here. :-)

Ain't search engines fun?!?!?!

Crappy, crap, crap. The 1Gb memory card that I received yesterday turned out to be a dud. While writing files to it, it froze up my PSP and when I tried to access the memory card again it cannot be read. Bugger. I've been in touch with the supplier, but they've been mighty quiet about issuing me a refund. Oh well, if it turns out bad, I'll post their details here so my one regular reader can boycott their online shop!

In the post: 10" Marvin the paranoid android

After seeing the Hitch-hikers Guide movie, I just couldn't resist this little fellow. I think he's a great piece of design and now I've got him standing on my router pointing his laser blaster at me. Oh well, it's the only time in my life I'll own anything that's 10". :-)

Man, I need to grow up!

Would you believe it? Just a couple of minutes after I posted my last entry, the door-bell rang and it was the delivery man with my new Dyson vacuum cleaner. I wasn't expecting today, so it was a pleasant surprise. Man, this is a MAN'S cleaning device. It took minutes to assemble and I was hurtling around the house, chasing the dog and battering the wainscotting. Oh yeah, a man could get used to this.

Anyway, here's a pic of my new beauty:

I was surprised by the amount of dirt this thing can suck up. Despite only hoovering yesterday with my old cleaning device, the Dyson managed to do this after a whistlestop tour of the house:

New advertising slogan:

Real men use a Dyson!

Yesterday, turned another corner...and it was good... :-)

Today, while The Missus is away on business in Denmark, I am going to be a good boy and do my work. :-(

Tomorrow, I am awaiting delivery of a new vacuum cleaner. As chief vacuum operative at Chez Lock, I have had a consistant problem with my vacuum duties. You may scoff, but I've got through 4 cleaners in as many years. It could be down to my manly, vigourous vacuum style. Or it could be that these machines are C-R-A-P. And so, I took the plunge and ordered once of those fancy Dyson models. It looks like something from the future and the reviews I have read say that it can suck like a Thai whore on double-time. <---- Ewwww, crude analogy there, Darren. Try again, OK - it sucks like winning a competition to see free concerts for life but you can only see Elton John and Celine Dion and the prize is non-transferable...

So tomorrow, plenty of sucky-sucky with the Dyson and then when the Missus gets back from her trip, I can wow her with the clean carpets. Awww, crap. When did my life go down the toilet? How is it that getting the carpets clean suddenly becomes the highlight of my week? Where did my life go wrong...?

Oh well, at least I'm not Brian Harvey, who managed to successfully run himself over in his own car. That either takes incredible skill or incredible stupidity. Whatever way, I kinda feel sorry for him. I read that this pelvis has been shattered and pushed up into his abdomen. Ouch - that's gonna hurt come winter.

In the post:

A 1Gb Memory card for the Sony PSP I purchased while in Las Vegas. Now there's a story, dear friends. I read that you could buy a PSP in the Sony Shop at Ceasar's Palace and on getting there found they were sold out. I then forced the Missus to come with me on a mission around the malls of Las Vegas to see if I could buy a PSP. They were like hen's teeth. But at the end of the week, I decided to try again and during my trek, I saw a dwarf. Now I know it sounds terribly un-PC, but whenever I see a dwarf (or person of restricted growth) I always feel incredibly happy. I think it has something to do with one of my favourite films being "Time Bandits". But I've come to believe that seeing a dwarf is a sign of luck. So I headed back to the Sony Style shop in Caesar's Palace and - lo and behold - the PSP was in stock. Me and the Missus had to beat back a smelly, loud, aggressive French family to buy our little beauty, but the return trip was worth it. I am such a sucker for new technology and gadgetry. :-)